#anyways expect lots of cas pics

[claudtrait]

simmies, !

[aisquaredchoco]

Hey all, especially to those who left comments on my long post that I hope is the last of that kind...I appreciate everything you've said, and I was proved wrong when I thought I felt invisible during those times. So thank you for that! I'll never leave them unresponded though, but work went a little busier lately and now's the only time to reply to them all..

@kevinvoncrastenburg: "I'm glad you're back! I appreciate your transparency and the way you expressed yourself. I can only speak for myself but I really appreciate you and your content. Nonetheless I see your pov and think you found a healthy way for yourself to kind of slow down a little bit and focus on what's more important to you and the future of your blog. I will always be looking forward to new posts by you. Wishing you all the best and again: You ARE appreciated! 🙏🏼"

-- Thanks for the reassurance, and knowing someone's still looking forward to my stuff is more than enough. I still love my craft, that's why I'm not deciding to leave. I'll get tired, but I won't quit..

@pudding-parade: "I long ago determined that to be a "popular" CC creator, you need to do things with clothing, accessories, and hair. I'm guessing the reason is that some people don't even play the game. They just make sims and then dress, pose, and take pics of them to edit. I've never wanted to be "popular" because, frankly, it's a pain in the ass to have eyes on you and what you're doing, so I guess it's a good thing I never liked doing things with clothing and hair. LOL But yeah, it's just how it is. It doesn't mean that the things you DO share are unappreciated, though. I appreciate your TS2 conversions, in particular. :D"

-- I also figured that simmers I follow spend more time with sims and mostly show CAS cc, so I once thought "why not make CAS stuff too?" but held back because I know making them is more tedious than buy/build. I realized I won't have go that far just to acheive popularity, and of course we know being popular comes with a price. I choose inner peace, so I quit being too ambitious in that sense. Thanks too!

@nornities: "Hm, to me you are "a household name", here as well as on MTS. I'm not sure what makes a creator a household name. I created worlds, well liked by some, unknown to most. Am I a household name? I don't think so. So I think you are right, it's a lot about expectations. But your good health is the most important thing, and that you enjoy what you do (and playing the game). So I'm glad you don't retreat entirely! Take care!"

-- Ohhh...really? Even on MTS huh..*blushes* Anyway, thank you for thinking of me as such. Well in that sense, I think you earn the reputation of being a household name as well! And yeah, as I said I choose inner peace and just enjoy playing (and making cc)..

@nessysims: "You have every right to want recognition. It `s naturally. And I really appreciate your CC! I absolutely love and almost always use your repurposed uni desks. And your wood texture is an irreplaceable thing for me! I use it everywhere and it's my favorite."

-- Thank you for letting me know! It's truly appreciated. And while I have the right to get recognized in what I do, wanting too much of it becomes a problem, so it's a good start if I quit with such mindset..

@curmudgeonness: "Welcome back! I'm glad you will not be leaving. I hope you find the balance you need to thrive here. I'm sorry I don't tag creators when I use their content, but I'M EXTREMELY LAZY. I have stopped downloading S4 conversions. They're generally clunky and don't fit the (my) S3 vibe. I like S3 edits, new S3 functional objects, and S1 and S2 conversions. I always look forward to your posts."

-- Yeah, I'm not leaving. And no, don't apologize. It's fine if you don't tag creators, you're not obliged to do so. I guess I was just expecting too much from people who download my stuff, but do not want to actually force them. And thanks for the warm welcome too..

@puffkins2000: "Yayyy! I'm happy you're back! Honestly, I get the "household name" thing. I guess I sort of tried that as well. I like converting because I want those conversions in my game---and pretty much any other EA conversion. If I see it's not been converted and I have that pack, I'll totally try to do it. I rarely get a ton of likes, but at least if someone DL's it, they wanted it!"

-- Thank you for the warm welcome! Yes, that's the core mindset I also want to have when making cc 🙏. And yeah, I also tend to forget that download numbers also matter and so far I got a fair amount and maybe that's enough.

@parystrange: "To me you're one of the creators who's CC I know is quality, safe, and exactly what I want in my game. I wouldn't worry too much about being a "household name" , I think you'll always have your dedicated users, who love your content, and I personally think that is just great! I use a lot of your stuff, but I rarely post gameplay pics so you, and the other people I download from, rarely see your stuff in my game. But it IS there, I promise! 💕Also, I think the more well known you become, the more the community seems to expect from you, and from what I've seen, it appears to put a lot of pressure on to people. I don't think you'd want that ( I know I wouldn't anyway ) I never see any of my downloads in people's games - I don't have many, but I don't mind if I don't see it, I just hope people enjoy it, and that's enough."

-- Thank you for reminding me that 😊. And you're right, popularity may come with perks, but also with disadvantages. I've seen some unsolicited (and sometimes rude) requests to some popular creators and I don't want to garner that kind of attention..

@gifappels-stuff: "It shows great character and maturity to self-reflect and self-correct 💐 Do not worry so much about recognition... it is very much subjective. Just play (and enjoy) the game, and share whatever comes forth from that. All of us have lives beyond Sims 3, and sometimes, people are just more involved in their own problems and everyday lives. So don't take it personally. Rather, try to take satisfaction from the fact that you created something that brought you happiness 💝"

-- Yeah I'm kinda embarrassed that I had an ambitious mindset back then. I realized there's more to life than overthinking if people really like the stuff I make. Thank you for the words of support!

About the photo: I also got a new kitty! (the orange one) So I made him in TS3 too. Name's Ponkan by the way, and he's very sweet and chatty, always makes me feel better whenever I feel sad or stressed. He and Cloud are getting along in the game but not in real life though lol.

[theyarebothgunshot]

“...and they were roommates!”

ever since blanky gate, i have been itching to delve into the period of time when misha supposedly lived together with jensen. anddd this week, i did just that. more under the cut.

what i tried to do is go over things that happened from july 2017 (the beginning of filming s13) through march 2020 (when they had to stop filming after 15x18 because of covid), in more or less chronological order. as far as i can tell, there is no clear consensus about when exactly misha said he moved in with a friend in vancouver, but i saw a few people refer to him stating that during s13. so that is what i went with. i realize that because of hiatus and other circumstances, they clearly weren’t in the same apartment at all times, so don’t get nitpicky with me please.

i also didn’t include every single interaction or picture that i could find, but simply the highlights. 

disclaimer: i am not making this to make a statement about anything regarding sexuality, or to make a point one way or the other. i am simply posting this because i think they have a very special bond and that is beautiful to me no matter what, and i think a lot of people can agree on that, so that is why i am sharing. enjoy! share my pain! etc!

2017

july:

during sdcc, misha can’t help himself and claims his favorite prop is dean 

august:

jensen let’s the world know that he would love to do a western slash romcom with misha. give it to us in a way we don’t expect it 

he also wrote the word ‘yum’ on a piece of punk!cas art. a very normal thing to do

this wholeeee gish thing *waves hand* is a lot

october:

i think this is supposed to be a sextoy joke. anyways. yeah.

it’s jensen’s turn to have his foot in his mouth as he says that misha looks ‘convincing’ in a dress

november:

honcon my absolute beloved 

december:

jensen would like to be a fallen angel

some soft jenmisheel christmas charity action

2018

february:

misha came to watch jensen perform, not behind the stage but in the audience

march:

a classic birthday tweet from misha ft. one of their sunset pic

~domestic vibes i gues idk i just think it’s cute

april:

ah yes. that time misha started to talk about him and jensen sharing clothes. 

a repeat of the classic ‘i’ll have what he’s having’

may:

jensen encourages misha to strip

sigh. just jib stuff, you know how it be

jensen offered misha his shirt this morning

misha is jensen’s pebble

looking dapper in matching suits 

some cute interactions re: the suits

june:

misha would take jensen home when the show ends

jensen being adorable while he tells the story of how exciting misha got during scoobynatural 

jensen wore a very particular ring 

august:

jensen wishes misha a happy birthday <3

playfully bickering like an old married couple over a shirt

idk why exactly but this sounds dirty to me sooo lmao

september:

cute dvd commentary by jensen and danneel

some more cute bickering + bonus alaina comment

the definition of ‘you’re doing amazing sweetie!’

october:

jensen would advice dean to avoid brunettes with trenchcoats

misha recites a poem about missing someone

jensen has MANY videos of misha

november:

300th episode party my beloved

december:

misha recites a poem and jensen comments on it

2019

january:

misha posts a vid and jensen comments

look i’m just saying that misha is not a dumb man and i think he knew what he was doing here

as did stands

an ew journalist ships it, i guess?

jensen will always be misha’s princess

february:

‘miss you.’

‘there’ll be no living with him now’

march:

another year another birthday tweet

misha slept in jared’s apartment ‘what?’ ‘it didn’t mean anything!’

supernatural is coming to an end

april:

according to misha, jensen is ‘tidy’

may:

the famous straddlegate panel. a lot happened. a lot.

misha calls jensen very submissive 

behaving like children

july:

the last ever sdcc panel

‘this guy is always partially-obscuring my view of sunsets’

august:

grumpily checking each other out & a soft hug

‘hey sweetheart, not cool’ if you hear it you do, if you don’t you don’t

a lil on-set birthday party for misha

domestic s14 bloopers

the ew shoot took place in august

misha and jensen went to the hospital together to see a precious new born baby

september:

jensen shares the story about the dogs names jensen and misha

october:

misha posts and jensen comments

dressing up

misha wears a very particular ring

november:

‘what crazy things have you done to each other’

‘i’m trying not to say that our character would be having sex’

promoting the cookbook together

more lovely cookbook posts and comments!

‘i’m sorry your camera operator keeps checking you out’

a knock knock joke peak dad humor

more cockles content? ‘go to the back of the line’

misha drives the impala (spot the ring) + jensen comments

jensen and misha make destiel related innuendos

december:

a lesson in sign language

‘10 years. same bar. same table. same company. same good times.’

february:

misha texts a cockles/destiel pic on feb 13th

march:

misha’s birthday post for jensen + jensen posts a pic misha took

[moonstone27ls]

Thoughts on Bee and Puppycat Lazy In Space....

Spoiler warning....

soooo if you don’t want spoilers....

don’t read.....

warning....

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I’m WARNING you 8B......

Warning stops.... nowww....

Sooo thoughts... I generally liked it. A lot of amazing art and colors and almost each character was fun and I wanted more of.

There are some flaws I’m not gonna deny but this thing I don’t wanna call it in production hell but according to wiki “ Episodes 4-16 were produced in 2019; while episodes 1-3 were produced in 2021. “ So clearly some issues.

Do I have any favs? not sure I’m more impressed by the voice cast they got. And if Allegri’s given a second season hope she can get these actors again.  Kumail Nanjiani for Howell, the Jennifer Tilly for Violet/aka Cardamon’s mother, Steve Blum for Puppycat/Space Outlaw’s adult voice guys thats  Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop also an anime voice actor legend!!! (well to me he is:3).

Anyways back to topic, the voice actors are what sell their character, I loved almost every scene with Howell X3!! I enjoyed how Puppycat got an instant mancrush on Wesley XD. They had some emotional moments well for me its when poor Cardamon has a breakdown, poor little guy is 7 and is given the role of an adult. He just wants to be a kid and no one is really trying(I mean Bee tries) to be the adult and protect/shelter him.

Story.. I admit since the story even from its early days was ambiguous I can’t say “Oh its inspirational”. No its cute, I think it still is to a degree Bee trying to grow up.... I think its the add on to the stories that make it somewhat confusing.

I guess for example, Bee is a roboy/ or cyborg? there’s never been an indication how old she is. Or that aside from Cas, not many are questioning why she hasn’t aged.  So depending on how old she is it makes you wonder why she’s having difficulties being an adult. But I’m nitpicking. What I do know from this story, Violet and Bee’s father were part of Puppycat’s crew... how Violet and Puppycat found her father we don’t know. But at somepoint the ship crashed landed on... Earth? (Again not sure of the rules in the story). Violet and her father fell in love I assume with people on the planet and each had children. I assume different times of course. Since its hinted in one pic that Bee was present when Violet had Cardamon and even helped babysit him.... but then again its also hinted she helped watch after Deckard?

I think a small nitpick, just small would be Deckard’s storyline going to culinary school. From the youtube pilot and first series, I was always under the impression that Deckard was good at cooking. It even seems that well implied in the current story, how the siblings complain that only Deckard cooked... (though sidenote judging by how badly Cas judged everyone else from not growing up(why didn’t the actual older siblings learn to at least cook basics? whatever back to Deckard)..... ... but when Deckard goes to school. He’s apparently flunking? storywise I’m confused, no I don’t expect Deckard to be a Julia Childs in the making but the poor guy was struggling BD;. And even with him gone his own sibling Crispin threw shade at him saying he couldn’t even make a cake. I dunno if this was to show “Oh your dreams flop/or change” or “you can’t do everything great” or what. Feels like a slip to me.

More so after he left and even if it was unintentional some of the Wizard siblings blamed Bee for Deckard leaving. Now including the youtube series, it was always hinted Cas out of all them wanted Deckard to grow up and do well at school. And I mean yeah some of Cas’ hostilities are explained later, but always seemed Cas blamed Bee for Deckard not growing up. So why constantly complain or go “you made him leave” when thats what she wanted? 

Which means Puppycat has been in that form for more than 20 years or so... I admit I’m curious on Puppycat too. I have questions is this a Beauty & the Beast thing, is he cursed by the warlocks to stay in that form? Or is this a personal growth thing where he’ll learn and get his form back.. or does he have to see the Princess again?

Anything else that I’ve got as a headscratcher... uhh why did Bee use the toilet instead of an actual fridge to put the food in but thats about it o3o.I am somewhat surprised for as old they intend to make her, no one other than Cas questions her or the situation or that she once burned her hands and no one’s “OH NO HOSPITAL”! And why did Toast pick so many fights with Cas will pregnant shouldn’t some of those moves during the final trimester put her at risk of losing the twins?oO 

The finale had me on the edge of my seat and I wanted MORE. I REALLY hope Netflix is merciful and gives them another season. Cause I wanna know what happens next? Will they find her father? Will they avoid the warlocks... does this mean the island or just the main cast will be going on space adventures and tempwork? with Bee and Puppycat. Or Puppycat? I’m not gonna lie since I like the Wizard siblings I would love to see Cas, Wes and Howell get their own adventure world as well.

Any other thoughts I have... I guess is where is Natasha Allgeri’s head with the romance section. I’m not complaining more of observing... I’m not gonna lie after the show I was already theorizing who’s bi/straight/etc.  I say theorizing I hope thats not offensive? If so sorry I’ll try to be better. Uhh I admit I think Howell is probably gay, but I could be wrong. I’m not gonna lie its the obvious refs to anime style. It doesn’t bother me if he’s straight/gay/bi or even asexual, or if he’s just Howell. Howell is Howell and I would literally spend a whole episode hearing his voice actor.

Even though she and Toast didn’t become a thing I still wonder if Cas is bi. I say bi because when she lost what she thought was her first kiss she called out her “boyfriend”. I wonder what the direction is with Toast/Merlin though... I mean yeah they have a few moments but I wouldn’t even call them a couple.

And then we have Deckard/Crispin/Bee/and Cooking dude? I dunno the finale that Cooking Prince felt like an obvious “oh he wants Deckard”. But dude you followed a guy to an island just because he’s not giving you attention and space for that matter... little sad 8B. And stalkery.

Not gonna lie I don’t want Deckard to be with Cooking Prince. Its not that I didn’t like Bee’s episode with Crispin. Its just I dunno from the moment we got our pilot, I always thought it was hinted she and Deckard had chemistry. When we got the first series felt it even more obvious that something’s there. This series left it a bit up in the air if that makes sense.

Bee went from love interest to, “Oh she’s a mom/baby sitter figure?oO”. And why pick Crispin? I dunno if  Allegri‘s story changed over the development or what if Crispin’s relationship was to explain how she eventually met Deckard? I dunno again really up in the air with that. Which I think I get the story’s not focused on love, its focused on Bee and Puppycat.

Do I ship her and Crispin... I admit I really dunno. Their ep gave more hints of “Oh we had a thing/didn’t work out but you’ll always be close to me”. I mean even in the finale when Crispin saw Bee... “hurt?”. Instead of being “Ohmygod she’s hurt, she needs me”. His instinct is to hit on/or ask out one of her holograms... or are they her heart defenses? whatever.

I do know some fans ship Bee with Puppycat (his humanoid form obviously)... do I? Uhh dunno. Not gonna lie fanart is awesome/adorable. But I dunno if I see that. There are times when his relationship shifts to “brother figure”, sometimes literal pet relationship. I do believe he genuinely loves her and wants to protect her. Sooo yeah hope that romance department if there is one somewhat gets more cleared.

What do I want IF Bee and Puppycat are given a second season? IF this year doesn’t give me a lot of hopes on “Oh animators are respected”/ “Ohhh Netflix is good to cartoons/good shows”.....

I want those voice actors to return! I want... Cardamon and his mom to get more time together. I will be disappointed if next season comes and they just both sleep through all the story. Don’t give me a good reunion and just put it on literal pause! 

I want Cardamon/Sticky and now Violet cuteness! Like earlier I want the other Wizard siblings to see some of the other worlds with Puppycat. I want Cardamon to be allowed to be a KID. I want Bee fixed, hope she’s getting a reuinion with father. Want to see interactions with her and Violet.

Wonder if we’ll see more of Puppycat’s background cause it indicated he had a mother. I want more of Merlin and Tim’s personalities explored, I don’t think we got quite a lot of their characters. Other than that Tim knows peoples’ secrets and apparently... Merlin didn’t finish medical school? 

Bee origin story? and her father’s. Why did her dad make her? Where is her father from? I would also say who’s Cardamon’s father but I don’t think we’ll know.

I dunno see if Toast is gonna have a role beyond bugging Cas (though it was cute when the twins punched their own daddy XD). I would say show some love but thats only if its given more development/or at least where it makes sense. Cause if we see romance brought up again, I wouldn’t mind the other Wizard siblings finding love. Cause as interesting as that... fishlady/(mermaid?) ep was... I don’t think it really counted as a real date for Wes. That ep or some of it felt like refs to Splash or the Little Mermaid... if they had rejected being humanoid.

 I wanna know whats with the warlocks. Did the Space King send them to find Puppycat or is the Princess? But I feel IF they’re given a second season, thats an obvious one to address..

I think thats about it. Sorry my words are a mess 8B.

[fratboykate]

Thanks for feeding us with the mom kate au! I’m one of the red areas in CA and bashing my head against the wall in frustration about it. It was expected, but still frustrating to vote and lose every time. Can I ask about the relationship with the 3 adults? You said the dad was still in the picture, does that mean he’s a close friend with Kate and feeds into Yelena thinking they’re together after seeing the phone background pic? Does Yelena get along with him later on when she gets together with Kate? I’m really loving this new au!

Ri has a loose, yappy mouth lol. She tells Yelena that her dad doesn’t live with them pretty quickly. Nevertheless, Yelena does think Kate is a hety for a while. She has no reason to believe otherwise. To be fair, it’s not like Kate knew she wasn’t until she met Yelena anyway so they both have the “oh…maybe this is a lot less neighborly than I thought” moment basically at the same time.

As far as Tom, he's a good guy...for the most part? At least he was until Yelena comes around. See, in the back of his mind, Tom was kinda convinced that AT SOME POINT he was *maybe* going to get Kate back. They were together forever, have a kid, are kinda like best friends who have a damn solid co-parent dynamic (and every once in a while Kate lets him hit it but...a girl has needs y'know? lol It was only sex to her and she thought they were both on the same page about it being casual hookups with your ex and not an indication of lingering feelings.) Then all of a sudden not only is Kate openly interested in someone that's not him for the first time in the many years he's known her...but it's a woman?...AND /his/ kid adoresssssssssss this stranger??? He gets REAL FUCKING SALTY and jealous. Tom feels like Yelena is encroaching on his territory and he doesn't take it too well.

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Oakland Coliseum Arena in Oakland, CA, USA - September 7, 1982 (Part-1)

(x)

The band are in great form tonight, full of vitality and passion. Only the intro of Rock It is performed from now onward. When the vocal is expected to re-enter after the rhythm section joins in, the band jump into the first verse of the fast We Will Rock You. John Deacon's bass solo after the second chorus is aggressive, and overall the band are clearly happy to be playing the longer version of the song again - although they do have a bit of trouble getting out of the middle section together, but they recover well. Freddie offers a great version of Play The Game. After the song, he has a word with the enthusiastic audience. "So here we are, back again in Oakland after a long time. Has everybody been keeping okay since we've been away?" Naturally everyone says "yeah", and Freddie replies, "Bullshit!" He continues, "Anyway, we have a lot of new songs for you since we were here last, and this next one is a song for all the girls here tonight, you know what I mean? The real girls. If you've got tits or if you haven't got tits it don't matter." The girls quickly stop cheering as Freddie is just trying too hard when he actually doesn't have to. He attempts to recover, "You just don't understand English. It doesn't matter. This is a Roger Taylor composition [the mention of Roger's name gets the girls screaming again] entitled Calling All Girls." Just before the first chorus of the song, Freddie adlibs, "I've got a message for you babe!" After the second chorus, following "take a message of love for all to hear," he adds to the energy with a few spontaneous words: "Have you got it? Can you hear it? Can you feel it?" Tonight is the first known performance of the Hot Space rocker Put Out The Fire, segueing from the vocal improv of Now I'm Here (Freddie doesn't have the lyrics perfected yet, which suggests it hasn't been performed too many times - fan club magazines from the period say the song was performed as a standalone piece earlier in the tour). After the second chorus, the band seamlessly jump into Dragon Attack. The combination of these three songs seems to recall the medley idea that had been dropped in 1981. After Now I'm Here, Freddie challenges the audience to one of his usual vocal duels. For the first time, he is heard singing "Dee do de de", something that would become part of the lyrics of "Living On My Own" off his first solo album in 1985. Shortly thereafter, after an "alright" that's held for a few seconds, he shouts, "You can do it!" in encouragement, after which he says, "Not bad! It's amazing what you will do if you're pushed." He really takes a liking to this audience. During the next song, Save Me, instead of singing the line "I love you 'til I die," he speaks the words "I love ya", and during the three quiet beats leading into the first chorus, he quickly and poignantly adds, "don't forget it!" Freddie once again dedicates Fat Bottomed Girls to "people who like fucking a lot." In the second verse of Crazy Little Thing Called Love, he modifies a lyric to say "she knows how to fuck and roll." One can draw their own conclusions as to where Freddie Mercury's mind was at on this tour. He turns in a very passionate version of Bohemian Rhapsody (despite not being in full voice by the end of the show), where everything seems to come home to him. Only he knew what the song really meant, but plenty have suggested that the proverbial man being killed in the first verse as told to his mother is his former self that had not yet come to terms with his sexuality. A clash of worlds in 1982, if that's the case. Matt Granz (also with a story from San Francisco '77) fondly shares his memories of this show here:

“This photo is from Queen's last Bay area show ever with Freddie Mercury. With the new direction that they took with the album "The Game" Brian May stated that Queen had "gained the world, but lost America". I think that after they played a Los Angeles gig or two after this particular show that they never did come back to the US. That is truly sad since they were one of the most charismatic of all rock groups to ever play on a stage. This concert was no exception! This photo was taken during Brian's echo solo. The three lights backlighting Brian belonged to one of two manned light pods that followed him around the stage. It was a spectacular effect!

The friend I went to the concert with (who's name I can't even begin to recall) took his SLR 35mm and I took a pocket fixed focus... after seeing me lament over the bad quality of my images he took mercy on me and sold me this memory as an 8x10 B&W Glossy that I kept secured in a folder... and just recently rediscovered and decided to digitize these many years later. My own pics from the concert all came out underexposed... drat! His SLR had some great lenses and he had his own darkroom. He also had great access to many good spots to shoot from.

By the way… remember the days when you didn't need a press badge to bring a camera to a concert? What happened??? Lawyers, I'll tell ya... Lawyers.

The story behind the Flying V being utilized was that at the very onset of his Echo solo, Brian busted a string on the "Red Special". He waked backstage and then shortly reappeared with this guitar. The sound was quite different. After the solo was done fifteen minutes later, he took back his own guitar and proceeded to use it for the rest of the show. It was pretty unusual to see him playing this and (besides the Tele he plays on Crazy Little Thing Called Love for the songs' first solo) have not seen him play another electric besides his main axe that he and his father made.

I was pretty poor at the time, but I liked this photo enough to buy it because of the before mentioned spectacular lighting and the fact that Brian is playing a Flying V.

Though I was not a fan of The Game, this concert was superb! I came to see Brian (being a guitarist myself) and was amazed at how distracted I was by the rest of the band. They were flawless that night and the floor seats I snuck into... 20 rows from the stage... provided the perfect viewing experience. The light show was also the best I had ever seen as well, in that it didn't distract from the music or musicians but rather pulsated perfectly with the beats and saturated the stage with great color combinations.

Freddie, Brian, Roger & John all had the whole auditorium held by the throat from the very start of the show till the last fading notes of "God Save the Queen". Sheer Excellence!” Most of the photos were taken by Sean Trend. A few of the pictures show Brian with the Gibson Flying V, as he had played in East Rutherford last month. But this time he begins his solo with the Flying V, as confirmed by someone who attended the show. Brian, in disbelief, later commented on this: http://www.brianmay.com

“Well, I'm shocked. I definitely would have sworn that I never played a solo live with a Flying V. I played around with them, but mainly at home, except for one video appearance for "Princes of the Universe" in which I'm obviously not really playing!!!

Cheers Bri”

(x)

Part-2

[roublardise]

my "Crowley isn't attracted to women" take

for @spnprideweek - day 2 - mlm

cw: dicussion of homophobia & transphobia all in all I wanted to highlight how canon gay Crowley is bc I love him 💕 thank u spn for Crowley even tho he deserved better

in the last weeks I've realized there's a huuge consensus in the fandom for pansexual Crowley. if you're pan or not and wanna hc Crowley as pan, power to you! but what's bothering me is the non-discussion of it all. the way it seems obvious for everyone. whereas, to me, Crowley has been canonically gay all this time.....

disclaimer: I'm aware Mark Sheppard alledgely said he saw Crowley as pansexual, however I can't even take these words for canon without context. Especially not when a year later he'd say Crowley's sexuality didn't matter. The way Mark Sheppard talks about characters' sexuality is more a "why are people making a big deal let them be" than "the character doesn't care." Moreover, actors pov can't be taken as canon imo. Jensen Ackles thought Dean straight for so long when Dean's been bi all this time as well. Sometimes actors are biased by their own experiences & stereotypes!

disclaimer #2: on god I don't wanna start discourse lmao. I just wanna share my silly thoughts about a tv show & question the way Crowley's sexuality is written in this silly homophobic tv show. don't @ me about what's making you think Crowley is indisputably pansexual bc I assure you I already know your points

That being said, here's why I think Crowley is a bear, a gay man, a trans gay man actually, a homosexual, who isn't attracted to women & some food for thoughts about why the unquestioned consensus towards pan Crowley could have roots in both homophobia & panphobia.

I don't think we can think of Crowley as your usual demon. We know too much about Crowley's life as a human, and the numerous ways in which he acts un-demony, almost humanly after. Considering him simply like a demon with no concept of gender preference who would be pan “by default” wouldn’t be right with his character. But we also can't question his sexuality in the exact same way we would a human's.

It also can't be thought in the same way as angels': as once-humans demons do have a concept of gender. Crowley especially cares a lot about his gender presentation and the way he's addressed. Not only does he literally sell his soul for a bigger d*ck as a human ; as a demon he uses the same vessel where other demons are shown to move once they had to leave one ; and for the few hours Crowley's possessing a woman, he clearly states he should still be referred to as king.

This will all be used for homophobic & transphobic jokes in the show, but I'll get back to that later on. Gender does matter to Crowley's identity, and I think it could be extended to his sexuality.

I've seen numerous descriptions of it all saying Crowley's sexuality was "ambiguous" and I guess it is, as he never explicitly used any label. However "ambiguous" doesn't mean bi or pan. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact we can't draw a clear-cut conclusion of his sexuality.

Imo we can actually draw a clear-cut conclusion of Crowley's sexuality but yeh, I'm getting there.

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Let's take a look at canon events around Crowley & sexuality!

His character introduction is him enjoying making a homophobe man kiss him for a deal

It is rumoured that he was a demon's lover (Lilith's)

He heavily flirts with Bobby

He french kisses Bobby for a deal and takes a pic

He never kisses a woman on screen (tell me if I forgot anyone!)

He flirts with every single man he sees, and even more strongly when it's making the other uncomfortable

The other parent of Crowley's son is never mentioned nor even brought up

He has two orgies that we know of

He has sex with a demon who's possessing a woman (Lola) when he was addicted to human blood

He dates, has sex with, and asks Dean to rule Hell with him. He's in love with Dean

On late spn he drinks fruity drinks

He flirts with and implies he had sex with an angel (Naomi)

He flirts with Death (Billie)

He's into BDSM

I'm not gonna go into details with all the sexual stuff he says bc there's a lot.... But it's always about gay sex. (once again, if I'm forgetting smth pls tell me nicely)

Now, with all that I'd like to question specifically the elements people use to say Crowley is canonically attracted to women.

He has two orgies that we know of

There’s the one Crowley has while he’s himself possessing a woman ; iirc it’s a foursome with two other men and one woman. Crowley still counts as a King, as the show makes sure we know, admitedly this dialogue implies we should still think of him as a not-very-manly-man.

Honestly, if one is convinced Crowley is attracted to women based on this scene.. okay. Personally I don’t see it because the orgy is unplanned, it’s an opportunity Crowley takes. Is he even attracted to the two other men?? Who knows. We don’t even know if Crowley even touches the other woman, there’re so many ways to have group sex. Even if he did, having sex with one woman doesn’t make it impossible for him to be homosexual.

The second orgy is with Dean. Crowley describes it then: “We've done extraordinary things to triplets.” It’s interesting how before I went to check, I thought it was clear the triplets were women. But not at all! I’ve been tricked by heteronormativity myself. So this is up to interpretation. Even though the way the show doesn’t make sure we know the triplets were women is pretty telling (as I’ll talk about later).

It is rumoured that he was Lilith's lover

Well, this is a rumour. In this relationship Crowley would know Lilith as a demon possessing a woman, and Lilith would know Crowley as a demon possessing a man as well. Who's even to say they met in their vessels to sleep together. That's the kind of cases in which the ambiguity of Crowley human/demon situation makes it impossible to draw any kind of conclusion towards Crowley's attraction to women. Also if anything Lilith is clearly a lesbian lmao.

He has sex with Lola when he was addicted to human blood

Same thing here, the relationship is one of demon/demon. Though we do now they do meet in their vessels to sleep together. Besides that, the sex happens while Crowley is at a low point. She's the one bringing him human blood, which makes the sex more of a transaction than anything. It does fit a very grey area of consent which would be fair to question.

We can't know for sure whether the demon possessing the woman was a woman as well, but let's say she was: 1/ Crowley having sex once or twice with a woman doesn't prevent him from being homosexual. 2/ What is he seeing if not a demon's true form? 3/ Wasn't he in a self-destructive mental state?

It's a stretch, imo, to assume Crowley was attracted to her.

He flirts with and had sex with Naomi / flirts with Billie

This one is so ridiculous to me bc Naomi is an angel and as a demon, Crowley sees her true form. We don't even know who was her vessel when they had sex.

The flirt thing is interesting however, bc iirc Naomi and Billie are the only "women" we see Crowley actually flirt with. During the orgies or the demon sex there's no flirt involved. It's interesting bc, as Cas would say: "Naomi's vessel is a woman. Naomi is an angel."

Same case for Billie who's a reaper then Death. Spn is pretty unclear about how the whole thing works but we know reapers are kind of angels. In any case, I won't go as far as saying Billie has any connection to gender.

Moreover, the way Crowley flirts with them is pretty light next to everything else Crowley says to men. It's pretty personal, I'm aware, but I do relate a lot with the way Crowley flirts with them VS how I flirt with men just because (and I'm a lesbian).

Anyway! Both Naomi and Billie are supernatural creatures, which brings the count of women Crowley flirts with to... zero.

-> What I take from all that is that Crowley is attracted to men for sure ; to angels and demons ; and doesn't care about the genitalia involved in the sex he has. We have nothing about the kind of relationships he had as a human. His gender presentation matters a lot to him. The only long-term commitment he has is with Dean. I wouldn't even say he had a committed relationship with Gavin's other parent bc we don't know anything about them.

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But what's my deal with homosexual Crowley? One can wonder, if Crowley doesn't care about bodies, doesn't that mean he can still be written as pan?

No! First because sexual attraction isn't about genitalia (even if transphobes would argue the contrary but they're transphobic so...). And second, well....

I would refer to this point as "how do I know Crowley isn't attracted to women? bc Dean is"

I'm convinced that if the show wanted to write Crowley as anything other than a gay man, it would have been way more obvious.

This is a show who wrote Dean catcalling a faceless woman on the street, for no other reason than to remind the viewers Dean was attracted to women & to balance it with the following homoerotic scene.

One could say spn doesn't have lots of women characters to begin with, but that's my point exactly: when spn wants to show attraction towards women, they do find women for people to be attracted to. Hell, they even give Gavin some girlfriend but never ever bring up the topic of Gavin's other parent. Even though an entire episode is dedicated to learning about Crowley's past.

What's important to understand Crowley's sexuality isn't the people he slept with ; it's the people he doesn't show interest in.

The absence of something is the presence of the thing, blablabla. It's a way to look at homosexuality that heteronormativity makes hard to see because, unconciously, we don't tend to question attraction towards the expected gender. One would ask for a 10 pages essay on why a character is gay, but one would need only a 2 sec kiss to assure a character's heterosexuality or attraction towards the expected gender.

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In Crowley's case, his attraction to men is a huge part of his character right from the beginning (thanks god, at least no one's questioning that). Spn as a show that hears what the fans are saying and twists writing accordingly, is perfectly aware of that. Yet rather than pushing women at him along the course of the show to remind everyone how Not Gay Crowley is - the opposite happens.

Yeh, Lola, Naomi, Billie, they all happen in the later seasons. But even then, the show somehow can't write Crowley as attracted to a human woman.

What happens then is: not only does Crowley fall for Dean ; he engages in some BDSM play with Lucifer : and he switches from drinking only the finest Scotch to fruity cocktails.

The BDSM thing as well as the drink thing are choices rooted in stereotypes, that's how spn is! But it does canonize Crowley's homosexuality. They're depriving him of his "masculinity" as the show goes on, because they purposely write him as homosexual. I don't think spn would have ever written a bi or pan character that way.

We learned a few days ago that Crowley died in a gutter. He died in a gutter for a bigger d*ck. I'm just gonna refer to Oscar Wilde & Mika on this : "some of us in the gutter are looking up at the stars."

The "referred to as king" scene isn't about Crowley being a demon and so not caring about gender - it's the opposite. Other demons are the ones poiting out Crowley's vessel. This is a transphobic joke. It's the demon edition of the "gay boy in a dress" transmisogynistic trope.

Viewers aren't supposed to be on Crowley's side ; we're supposed to be giggling with the other demons while Crowley is being emasculated. Crowley gets a woman vessel because he's a not-very-manly-man, because he's a trans man, because he's homosexual.

And I know that bc Dean is written as bi, and all they're doing is reaffirming the way he does like women while being extra subtle with his love for men.

Meanwhile Crowley is losing influence and power, loses his authority as he loses his throne in Hell, gets humiliated by Lucifer, until all his character revolves around is his love for Dean. The way Crowley is then protrayed as some lovesick ex who can't move on is, imo, a straight man fantasy. Crowley's love is both used as predatory and as a tool to validate Dean's Peak Masculinity.

Spn has been burying their gays all along, and Crowley was right there being punished for not only being in love with Dean but for not being attracted to women. For never being able to be a "normal" guy. For never being able to be seen as a "normal" guy. For checking every homophobic stereotypes in the books. Crowley as a human dies because he's a trans man. Crowley as a demon dies because he's homosexual.

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That's what leads me to be uncomfortable with the way the fandom seems to have a consensus towards pansexual Crowley. (Once again: idc about people's personal hc of Crowley as pan, I just want to think critically about the way no one thinks twice about it & accepts it as canon so easily. Hell, just bc I dared to ask what started the pan Crowley confirmation I got accused of erasing his pansexuality. All I did was ask a question.)

To me, it feels like erasing everything his character went through because he was gay. And it seems to be taken from a reasoning which is going to assume Crowley is attracted to women.

I mean: the reasoning would go "oh, Crowley clearly has a non-straight sexuality -> he's attracted to men -> he's pan" His attraction to women being accepted by default, without needing any backup. And when I look at the canon I see nothing implying he'd be attracted to women. Taking Crowley's attraction to women for granted is following an heteronormative thinking.

Being into people isn't all about who one sleeps with. It's about love. And when we look at what spn shows about Crowley's close relationships, the only meaningful one he got is with Dean. When Rowena wants payback for Crowley making her kill Oskar, she goes for his son.

And it's SO interesting to me because if angels can't be in love because they don't have a soul - can demons? as they're beings with a destroyed soul? And if so, how powerful of Crowley to still fall in love with Dean Winchester.... the power of gay love :) (Crowley 🤝 Cas)

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To conclude all this with some more stuff to think about if, like me, you love questioning everything:

While it's not wrong per se to hc Crowley as pan, it can be worth questioning what's making us so sure we collectively just vibe with it? To me there's a few things: - As I was saying: heteronormative bias - Crowley being a non-fully-human character - Crowley being masculine (despite the show's attempts to erase that) - Crowley being into BDSM - Crowley flirting and making sexual remarks in every context

These, unconsciously, gives a vibe of a character who's "outside" of the gender norm, not making big deal of their sexuality, not even questioning it. This creates this idea of "ambiguity" around Crowley's sexuality. The way Crowley particularly seems to be really chill about sex, is a demon (so what does he know about gender?), and heavily flirty, ... is what most people will link to pansexuality. That doesn't mean thinking of Crowley as pan is being problematic™ ; this means in western medias that's what fills the "pansexual character" imagery (like basically: the Jack Harkness type).

However, when we look at it like that, none of these elements are defining of pansexuality. None of them are excluding him from homosexuality. If not stereotypes.

That's where it gets personal ; but it does make me feel like the huge consensus towards a pansexual Crowley (when there is no clear-cut evidence of it) is erasing the complexity of homosexual experiences. As I said at the begining: I'm happy if pansexual people can relate to Crowley ; everone's free to headcanon. But saying Crowley is canonically pansexual is a stretch - and a take rooted in homophobic stereotypes.

Imo Crowley may have been created with all these traits pushing towards a pan reading of his character. However, as the show went, he was clearly written as a homosexual man. The changes in his portrayal took a turn to be specifically homophobic. He gets imagery that only strictly homosexual characters got (such as drinking fruity cocktails like Aaron. Meanwhile Dean, on the same scene, is allowed beer & whiskey.)

We're used to taking spn's homophobic rep and jokes to make it our own. Yet it seems, when it comes to Crowley, the fandom doesn't see it.

Sometimes people aren't attracted to the gender heteronormativity expects them to be attracted to.......... sometimes people are gay and it's not an umbrella term.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

So here’s the thing....

*Deep breath*

I’d like to say first and foremost, in case new followers shouldn’t be aware... All my characters belong to a story I have been writing since 2014, it’s a 200+ chapters main story, and an almost 40 chapters AU. Book length chapters. So yes, it’s a lot of words. A lot of time. Investment. Character development. I have explained a handful of times, at least, during my 5+ years on Tumblr, that although I’m the writer of the story, they feed me the words. More or less. Within few limits. I do have an overall idea of where I want the story to head, what I want for each character and so on, but in the end, they more or less run the show, and I’m just the vessel... holding the pen. As result, the story often takes twist and turns I never expected, and the outcome might be completely different from what I originally had in mind. This is how I prefer to write the story, and I’ll hardly ever interfere, unless it’s heading in a direction I can’t at all allow, such as a main character dying. Or something that otherwise would affect their lives way too negatively to bounce back from. Writing a story this way, letting my characters roam free, often leads to me having to write stuff I don’t agree with, or am downright uncomfortable with. But I’m okay with that. I like the challenge. It makes me grow as a writer and challenge me as a person. My believes, morals, my views and my heart. It also often results in sudden information getting thrown at me, surprises, let’s call it that... not always knowing full info on a character, as they develop in front of me, and sometimes things I didn’t yet know, will reveal themselves. This happened a couple weeks ago. I learned something dark about one of my main characters, and one of my top 3 personal favorites. Raven. Raven and his father, have never seen eye to eye. Roy has frankly always acted like he despises his son. Always favoring Raven’s brothers above him, barely able to speak to Raven without contempt shining through his words and tone. I never had a reason for this. Beside the fact that Raven is very much a rebel, and his dad is head authority of the McKinney clan. But I was hit with a sudden discovery few weeks ago. Turns out, Roy sold Raven, when Raven was just a very young adult. Possibly teen.... maybe even younger.... I was quite frankly so shocked I haven’t had the courage to delve further into it yet, and have only been writing other story parts since then. Essentially, Raven’s father sold him, to a distant uncle, in order to stay ahead in the McKinney clan, and still be the head of both the main castle in Ireland, and also the sister castle in Scotland. The uncle who bought Raven... took advantage of the situation... and Raven. For an unspeakable amount of time. Roy grew to recent himself for what he had done, and with that self-resentment, he started resenting his son as well, it was simply easier than feeling guilty about what had done. Over the years... centuries.... Roy often tried to get his son out of the binding contract, but to no use. Raven over time started blacking out, and completely erasing any sort of memory about the abuse, either through magic or simply denial. A way to cope. Now, one could say this part of my story only involves misery. However, something good came out of it. For days I have been trying to wrap my head around it all, and allow it to evolve into whatever it wants to evolve into, although I haven’t written anything yet. I started thinking, what good could possibly come out of this situation? And then it hit me. His name is Ciaran (pronouced Kee-ran), which means ‘little black one’... The McKinney’s have always chosen names that somewhat describes their kids, like Raven’s birth name is Brandubh, which means ‘little black raven’. He’s obviously “black”, and he can literally shapeshift into a raven. I wont sit here and ramble about the meaning of everyone else’s names for the next 20 minutes, it’s not of importance right now. Ciaran has black hair... yadda yadda... so... ‘little black one’. Ciaran is one of the most well hidden family secrets, I strongly feel he grew up far away from everyone else, or at the very least at the McKinney castle in Scotland. A castle Raven grew up in, but rarely visited after moving back home to Ireland, so he wouldn’t have come across him most likely, and if he did at some point, there’d probably have been at least a handful of spells involved, so neither he, nor Ciaran, would notice they were so closely related. And on a side note, yes, men can get pregnant in my story. Supernaturally though. So either from being supernatural, although that does have limits still, or through magic. Anyway, I’m assuming here, since again, I didn’t write anything down in my story yet, cause it’s still all very new and foggy to me, but Raven suddenly discovering about his past, will without a doubt lead him to either demand to know more from his father, or go digging himself. Which will soon enough result in Ciaran being brought into light. How he’s going to get introduced in my story, I haven’t decided yet, however, spending time with Ciaran, making him in CAS last night, and taking pics of him today, I already know enough about his character, to dare to assume, Ciaran walking into everyone’s lives, will look something along the line of:

So without further yippidy yap... say hi to ‘the little black one’.... and his sooper happy dad XD

Oh yes, he already enjoys his 3rd kid.

[alwayssimmin-alwaysrantin]

💖Not Like Myself CAS Challenge Basically you just recreate a sim in a style they wouldn’t normally wear.

Thank you so much to @nebula-x for tagging me! (Like months ago at this point, but we’re ignoring that lol) 

Blocks of text below break~

I couldn’t pick just one of my simmies, so I decided to do two of them. They’re both part of the royal family in a “Kingdoms” save I’ve been working on (for ages). First simmie shown here is Princess Aline Drière (she/her) and the second is her brother, Prince Phillip Drière (he/him) *grown up because they’re a lot o’ years apart*

Princess Aline Drière (Pics 1+2) is would be first in line to the throne if her father weren’t a bigot, but he is, so her first-born younger brother is instead. The two were born several years apart, so when Aline was listening in on her father’s conversations with other kings about marriage agreements and plans for her future, Phillip (Pics 3+4) was just starting his elementary lessons with the castle’s live-in nanny.

The king’s rules for his family are very strict — think Mr. Von Trapp from the Sound of Music but no redemption arc, so the royal children don’t get much room to express themselves in a way that feels most comfortable. Afab kids must wear pink, red, and purple dresses and skirts, while amab kids must wear green, red, and blue suits. No exceptions. Except for the king when he feels like switching up the color scheme, but only for himself.

That said: I figured these two loves would be a couple of great candidates for this challenge because I could explore their styles outside of the confines of their lives in the castle.

I figured Aline’s personal style is a little bit more feminine and works more comfortably with what her father expects of her, but I still wanted to switch things up a bit, so I modeled her off of a friend who has a similar style — still fairly feminine, but less Pink + Dressy. (Pics 5+6)

Now, Phillip, on the other hand, has a personal style that strays well outside the boundaries set for him. He’s always felt restrained by the unofficial dress code in the castle, so I got to explore his comfort-style even more, which was awesome; I really really love him, and he doesn’t get enough of an appearance in the “Kingdoms” story. Anyway, I felt out ~the vibes~ for a while, and I eventually landed on this! (Pics 7+8) It looks eerily similar to Aline’s outfit, but don’t mind that, it’s just because I have absolutely zero (0) creativity. 💖

Anyways those are my simmies

[dramallamadingdang]

My mind is blown.

I’m totally serious. And this is a seriously long post, for which I apologize, but you might think it worth it in the end.

I did some fiddling with my Simming computer while solving the mystery of the super-lag/abysmal FPS rate in my TS3 game. While I was reading up on things to do that might improve that situation, I ran across this MTS forum post. It's about NVIDIA graphics settings (meaning, settings outside of the game, controlled by the video card itself) that improve the appearance of TS3 in-game. Now, maybe among the more gamer-types out there, doing this kind of stuff is common knowledge. But I didn't know, and my gamer husband never saw fit to inform me of these things, for which he’s gonna get a whuppin’ :), and my mind is blown, so I thought I'd share info for other non-gamer-types like me who don't know about this stuff. :)

After I fixed my TS3 game and tried out the NVIDIA settings and they made my TS3 game look awesome, I wondered what would happen if I applied the same settings to TS2. I had to test the game anyway because part of my problem-solving in TS3 was to update my GPU's driver to the version that was released about two weeks ago instead of a 5-year-old one. *laugh* I feared this would screw up TS2, but Mustang Valley and my creating set-up, at least, are fine with it. (Might be a totally different story when I play a regular, active, populated neighborhood, of course!) But I figured, what the hell, let's make a profile for TS2 with these settings, too. The worst that could happen is the game freaks out and I have to revert back to the default settings.

Well, the game didn't freak out and, in some ways, it looks a lot better. I'll go into more detail about that, via many pics, behind the cut. In front of the cut I'll say this:

You need an NVIDIA graphics card. I mean, I'm sure there's ways to do the same things with AMD cards. I just don't know how. You can't do this stuff with Intel integrated graphics. 

Moreover, you need a decent NVIDIA video card. In the linked MTS post, the OP has a 700-series card and the guy who posted the settings was dubious about whether or not the OP should mess with this stuff because it might cause lower FPS rates and lag in TS3. But I'm gonna venture a guess that you could do this with a lesser card for TS2, since it's a much less demanding game even when it's all tricked out. And either way, there’s no harm in trying. (For the record, my card is a GTX 1050Ti. It's decent, the best card I can put in my Simming machine without needing a stronger power supply, and it’s more than adequate for both TS2 and TS3, but it’s certainly not high end.)

You need the Nvidia Profile Inspector, if you don't already have it. It's freeware, and you can download it here. Note that it's a program for Windows; I have no idea how you’d go about doing this stuff on a Mac.

Once you've downloaded/installed the Profile inspector, open it up. It looks like this when you open it:

Under the drop-down at the very top (circled in red in the pic), there's a huge long alphabetical list of games and programs, old and new, that you can create an individual graphics profile for using this program. This means that the settings you choose will affect only that program and no others. So, if you play other games, Sims or otherwise, or use other programs (my CAD program's on the list, yay!), you might want to fiddle with those, too. But anyway, for TS2, find Sims 2 (with no "The". And it lists all the EPs, too, but just pick the base game) on the list and choose it. Then, plug in the settings in the post I linked to above. They’re all in the drop-downs for each setting, so all you have to do is click and choose the right setting. When you're done, click "Apply Changes" in the upper right corner of the program window. Done. Easy-peasy. It'll take you two minutes to do, if that.

Then load up your game, and in your graphics settings you can (and probably should) turn off the game's native edge smoothing. It's being overwritten with much stronger anti-aliasing, so there’s no point in having it turned on. In the pics below the cut, all of my graphics settings are at max except that edge-smoothing is turned off, I have no lighting or shader mods installed, and the game is in windowed mode. (It tends to look better that way.)

Now as to what it looks like... There’re a bunch of pics behind the cut. I'll say up front that the changes are subtle. Don't expect miracles in a 15-year-old game! :) But for me -- since I'm pretty damn picky about how my game environment looks, what with wanting high-res and stuff - they make enough difference that I'm definitely keeping these settings in place. 

I don't see much difference in neighborhood view -- including skyboxes/horizons -- aside from meshed stuff having smoother edges and a bit (not a lot, just a bit) better texture quality/clarity. Rather, the main difference that I see is in the on-lot textures. There is better clarity and more depth, even in things like basegame carpets. It affects objects, walls/floors/terrain paints, hair textures, everything. (Well, OK, I didn't notice much difference with clothing and other non-hair CAS stuff, but all I had available to look at was my defaults and Maxis clothing, and...yeah.) 

Overall, you get a higher level of detail and more depth, even close-up, without having higher-res textures. (But if you do have high-res stuff, it looks even better than it did before, with no further increased resolution.) Which means that you get better-looking textures WITHOUT contributing to pink flashing at all.

So! On to the pictures, none of which are edited in any way except for cropping/resizing and adding text. No sharpening, no fiddling with brightness/contrast. Nothing. I wish I could give you “before and after” pics, but...nope. You’ll just have to take my word that there is a difference. Which you can verify by fiddling with your own settings. (Don’t worry about breaking your game or anything. Since these are settings that exist entirely outside the game, there’s no way you can hurt the game with them. :) ) So, pictures...

And now for some hair...

Unfortunately, all I have to show you are my own hair textures, which are neither Maxis-match nor Pooklet-y. However, this graphics profile does tend to bring out extra depth in all textures, including hairs, and with hairs specifically it does nice things to hair ends so that they aren’t so stringy-looking. I’m assuming other textures would also gain extra definition/depth.

One (and only, so far) bad thing about using this profile: It gives you better transparency. Unfortunately, this means that if you use hairs with transparency issues, the issues will be more noticeable, not less. I’m slowly weeding out such hairs in my collection, but I noticed that on the female hair in the first hair pic, there’s a transparency that wasn’t noticeable before, right next to her neck, about half-way down it, on the viewer’s right side. It’s hard to see on the sized-down pic, but it’s the bit that appears to be a blue-ish dot. So, if you do use a lot of hairs with transparency issues, you might want to use a not so high transparency sampling setting. That might help.

As for other stuff that goes on a Sim’s body, I didn’t notice any huge difference in the stuff I looked at, but what I had to look at was limited since I didn’t fire up my full game with all the CAS CC. :) I think my default skintones and the body meshes themselves might be a bit smoother/less pixellated...but that also might be my imagination. :) I do think accessories like glasses and jewelry would probably see some improvement.

So, um, yeah! If you made it through this post, I hope you found the info relevant to your interests. :) I wish that I had learned that you can do this a looooooong time ago!

[aleniksimmer]

Hi. Thanks again to all the people who left a message in these days. I still can’t believe a week has passed. I miss her every day and I still expect to find her around every time I go out. In the end my family decided to leave her to the hospital (I was the only one wanting to bury her in the garden so the majority won). I’m not happy with it, I don’t know why but I feel wrong leaving her there and not bringing her home. It’s extremely irrational and since she has been my first dog I still can’t explain it, but I feel like acting like this it’s like we aren’t treating her as part of our family, as if she never existed. My mother said we’ve plenty of pictures to remember her and don’t need her phisically here, and rationally speaking is true, but at the same time I wanted something more material to remember her. I even suggested to my mother who spoke to the doctor if they can at least give me a tooth, and she cringed a lot. I explained her that parents usually save their kids teeth when they fall (damn I even have my ombelical cord saved somewhere because she wanted to) but she said it’s not the same. They even refused to send me their pics of her cause they’re “afraid for my mental health” and don’t want to hear me cry again. I don’t know what to do or how to deal with the situation, I know mourning is made of steps, I read how to deal with it in the best way possible, and I’m not crying as much as before and sometimes I can talk about her in a “normal” way, but I still miss her and I don’t know how if I’m doing the right thing. Plus I have this constant inside war of both missing her as herself and missing having a dog, and I feel guilty about it. I am sure I am not trying to replace her, she was unique and no dog can be like her, and if God would give me the choice of a new puppy or her back I would take her in a heartbit, but at the same time I’m missing the love dogs give you. I know I’m taking care of two cats, and I love them to death, but their displays of affection are different. Am I making any sense? Am I a horrible person for wanting another dog in the near future? Not immediatly, I couldn’t deal with it immediatly, I’m still dealing with her loss. Like, in a month or two, is it normal? Am I superficial? I already have regrets about Mandorla, not too many, but there are a couple of things I would have liked to experience with her like taking her out for a walk with her new collar (we only used it to bring her to the vet for the shots), giving her a bath in spring with the new service the pet shop offered, making her reunite with my cat after her convalescience, staying with her during the whole new year “party” cause she’s afraid of fireworks, etc..I didn’t expect her to be gone so suddenly.

Sorry for the long text..I just wanted to give an update but then got caught up...anyway, as you can see from my last post I’ve updated the Ahri set you can download from TSR, I’ve changed the names of the files and the thumbnails to match future sets (they should be gold in CAS). I’ve also uploaded Evelynn set to TSR and it should be available for download on Sunday. (please ignore the very bad pose, I might have lost my touch, and if you find any mistake please contact me. With everything that happened I find very difficult to focus and I had to redo the preview 3 times before I got them right, or at least I hope they are)

Regarding what’s coming next I don’t know. I just found out that Netflix made a series about Winx with real people (I’m trying not to judge but they have been my childhood and the series has Shadowhunters series vibe which I can’t stand due to all the changes they made compared to the original books) and I asked myself “why not trying with that” but I’ve already lost the inspiration and again I don’t know how good something will come out due to my lack of concentration. Like creating is my safe heaven that helps me zoom out from reality but at the same time I get frustrated if I keep making mistakes like it happened with Evelynn previews. As I said before, Miraculous is a no for now, I might continue with KDA popstars but I don’t want to burn it all out again and publish the next set in two years like this one..basically I’m open to suggestions for next creations.

[thran-duils]

Watch Me Burn (Epilogue)

Title: Watch Me Burn (Epilogue) Summary: Fem!Reader x AU!Cas. Fem!Reader x AU!Sam. This fic was inspired by both parts of “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem & Rihanna. Castiel and the reader are toxic for each other and keep falling back together until the reader moved away. It’s been years and now she is back home, waltzing back into Castiel’s life. She is determined to do better this time, to make them work, but outside forces as well as the scars the two have left on each other weave their way into their reconciliation. Will they be able to overcome the past and new threats to their sustainability? Words: 738 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Extreme angst, domestic violence, smut, unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamics, BDSM trust breaking, fluff, language, alcohol abuse, !!! eventual !!! happiness

Part 9 || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Sam was watching you from behind the table in the community room where he was temporarily set up when you came into the office on Monday. Dean was in there too and you caught his attention as well. You tore your eyes away from them, avoiding direct eye contact, moving down the hall towards your office. You could feel the heat of their stare all the way down the hall.

<><><>

Dean rubbed at his eyes, walking into the community room.

“Happy Monday,” he greeted tiredly to Sam.

“You look like shit,” Sam said in greeting.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, didn’t sleep much. Found a good girl to rent for the night through a friend and I would say she kept me up all night but that would be a lie. That poor thing is probably sore as a son of a bitch.”

“Maybe give me that number?”

“Oh, boy. I will. She was cute.”

Sam smirked in response and then his smirk fell seeing Y/N come into the office. He had an immediate sour face, causing Dean to follow his line of sight and see her catch them staring at her. She looked away quickly and moved down the hallway, not paying either of them much mind.

“Rude. Could have at least said good morning,” Dean commented, taking a drink of his coffee.

“Yeah, well, she’s lost a lot of her manners apparently,” Sam said darkly.

That caused Dean to raise his eyebrows. “Hmm, naughty girl then.” Sam rose his own in acknowledgment. “Seems like that pic isn’t going to come in handy since she just went squealing right to him.”

“Yeah, threw a fucking wrench in that plan,” Sam muttered, shaking his head. He tapped his pen on his desk, lost in thought.

Dean sucked his teeth and suggested, “Maybe it’s time to back off.” Sam’s eyes snapped up to meet his and Dean put his hand up. “I’m just saying. You came here expecting her to be single and you could draw her back to Austin. That didn’t work. And then you came up with another plan and that has fallen through. And if we are being honest, if anything, she’s got shit on you.”

“How so?” Sam asked, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re her superior. If she said that the two of you had a relationship, Sammy, that’s only gonna blow back on you. Come on, you know that. Sure, you’ll both lose your jobs but who is gonna lose the bigger salary here?”

Sam shook his head and said confidently, “She wouldn’t do that. She likes this job too much. She would be hard pressed finding something else. It’s why I was going through with it in the first place.”

“Regardless, you’ve got more to lose if she ever did go crazy as women tend to do when they’re cornered. And she seems a little erratic, especially with her guard dog she’s got herself.”

Sam let that sink in, chewing on his cheek. Finally, he exhaled sharply, sounding bitter, “Whatever, she’s not worth it anyway. Whores are a dime a dozen. Just gotta get through this damn project and get back home.”

“Now, I know you don’t mean that, but I’m glad you are forcing yourself to pretend to,” Dean said, unable to help himself, pushing himself away from the table.

<><><>

Sam barely spared you a glance through the month, which only served to set you on edge. You were constantly expecting him to pop up with something to throw you off kilter. He was not someone who gave up easily, but he seemed to be doing so.

When he had his last day, he stared at you for longer than necessary as he shook your hand. You winced as he squeezed, and you saw a fleeting smirk of satisfaction at getting a reaction out of you.

Fucking bastard.

And then he was gone.

At home, you curled up on the couch with Castiel, recounting to him what had happened. Castiel held your hand gently, giving it a kiss. He rubbed it and told you he loved you, his eyes warm and affectionate. You leaned onto his shoulder, snuggling in. The last time you had been leaving a man, it had been him. Years ago, you would have sworn you would never go back to him and now you found yourself back in his arms, feeling safe. It was funny how things turned out.

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas @stixnstripesworld

[mybrainproblems]

Two steps to the left of canon AU mashup where Chuck won plus some of the dark humor zaniness of “Wristcutters: A Love Story” and a whole lot of angst and trigger warnings for references to suicide/suicidal thoughts.

Okay so Dean dies not so unintentionally in 15x20 and ends up in the afterlife limbo of “Wristcutters: A Love Story” and he didn’t actively commit suicide but he still ends up there. But he was expecting it to be Regular Type Heaven and he’d get to see Cas (even if it’s just greatest hits memories) but hey, Chuck won and he made the afterlife worse and in this case just to continue to fuck with the Winchesters et al.

And Dean pretty much takes on the role of Mikal looking for the “people in charge” to clarify that okay yeah, he maybe wanted to die but he didn’t literally commit suicide. Loophole, guys. Send me back.

Oh boy lots more thoughts about this thing than I thought I’d have...

But the longer Dean spends in limbo, the more things he starts to forget and like he’ll never forget Sam, but everyone’s faces start slipping away first. Or he forgets details, and most of the details and memories he loses are good/happy things. So he remembers Gadreel and kicking Cas out of the bunker but it feels like he’s trying to grasp soap bubbles when he thinks about movie nights and hanging out with Sam and Cas. So like, he remembers the worst of 05x04 but forgets 05x03. But the more he tries to find the PIC to leave limbo, the more of his memories he loses. Basically Chuck has created a misery positive feedback loop where people who end up there are already depressed and at a low point, then they forget everything that ever made them happy or was good in their life and spiral further down and forget themselves.

Dean is still holding onto remembering he has a brother named Sam and a few other memories and he knows there’s some guy who he cares about who he misses but is dead and is pretty much drawing a blank beyond that. But he’s still determined to leave! And after a while he runs into this guy and somehow they hit it off and it’s almost like they already know each other and are able to anticipate each other to a certain degree but they’re also both pretty sure they’ve never met. (Spoilers: it’s Cas. Chuck pulled him from the Empty and is just watching the both forget each other for science. Yes, I am horrible.) They start traveling together, driving around with a couple of other people looking for the PIC. The car is an 00s Corolla and the plastic panels keep falling off. It’s a running gag because yes there is some humor in this wasteland.

Anyway! They begin to fall in love (again) and they both know that they need to leave but they can’t really remember why and both of them have lost most of their memories and very little that’s left even approaches good. And Chuck is pissed! Because he sent them both there to be miserable and wallow in their worst memories with nothing good left and yet here they are, falling in love in limbo and holding onto a few scraps of memories and sense of self.

They do manage to find a portal of some sort to get back to the real world but only Cas can use it because Chuck’s rules for limbo do count Dean’s intent to not survive the hunt as a suicide. Dean pushes him through to the real world and goes back to the car and (rip off of W:ALS) falls through a portal underneath the seat that is supposed to go to the Empty but someone intentionally misplaces his file and he ends up back in the mortal world again.

Fuck if I know how they defeat Chuck but they do.

[parkaiur]

Snowy Days - Jihoon

❀ genre: college life + romance + a dash of angst 

❀ word count: 5491

❀ a/n: just read the tags below but if ur too lazy to basically: don’t expect lots of updates and i just wrote this as a form of therapy for me. i guess i missed writing and needed to rant /shrugs/ 

also this title sucks but idk what to do with it either LMAO 

❀ ❀ ❀

It was a quiet, winter evening; the snow was gently falling outside and the laughter of college students filled the dorm hallways. 

I, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on my bed, reading a book. The soft sounds of my hand turning the pages lulled me in a dreamland of swoon-worthy boys. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. 

I flinched and jumped up on my bed to see what had dropped. 

“Sorry! Just dropped my pan, how’s it going?” I sighed thankfully, realizing it was just my roommate, Naeun. Naeun was a freshman like me; we hadn’t talked much before rooming together. We got along most of the time, but being around people just irked me sometimes.

I pointed at the book, trying to hide the girlish daze in my eyes. 

“Just reading, like usual.” I kept my words short, hoping she would get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It wasn’t like I was mad at her or anything, but I need my breaks with all the socialness of college. I don’t think people understand how tiring it is for introverts to have to be “on” all the time; “on” meaning social. 

She nodded. “What book?” 

“It’s called ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ by Shay Savage. It’s a really amazing novel about a boy who was Autism and a girl who ...” I trailed off when I realized she had her back towards me. The sound of her pots and pans flying into her drawer was distracting. “A girl who befriends him basically. How was your day?” I asked politely. 

I braced myself for her long winded answer. Most people just say “good” or “it was pretty alright” but not Naeun, she pops off and talks about things no one really needs to know, and no one really cares. 

“It was okay. I saw one of my friends on campus and I waved to her because it’s so weird, right? Seeing people you know on such a large campus. And then I walked to English and my professor was just such in a good mood today, she’s so nice, I love her.” 

I smiled carefully, hoping she doesn’t realize how much I do not care about who she waves at or how her professor looks. 

“Then, I went to the library and did some of my math homework and I got started on the next chapter. And then I started to do my English homework which I got kind of stumped on. Anyway, all I could think about is this big burrito when I was studying.” She took out two large burritos and plopped them on a blue plate. 

I nodded and told her I was going to go back to my book. She nodded and right as I was about to plug in my earbuds to drown out her voice while I read, she stopped me with her voice.

“Hey, I’m bored, do you think Ahyoung and Somi are busy?” I took out my earbuds once more and shrugged. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm. Is it cool if I invite them over? I mean, you don’t have to say yes if you just want to be alone, I know how you get like that.” 

I forced an awkward smile. “Um, I actually want to just chill and be alone, but you can always go to their rooms... they live in the same building.” I tried not to let my annoyance show in my voice, but it was rising. 

She furrowed her brows and sighed. “Yeah, but they’re so far...” She whined. 

Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. 

“I mean, they always come to our dorm, maybe go to them today?” I really didn’t care what she did, I just wanted to be alone. 

I turned on my music and opened my book so I didn’t have to hear her complain. She went back on her phone and I was content reading in peace. 

Five minutes later, I heard loud knocking on the door. 

What? She did not just...

“Oh, hey, Ahyoung! How’s it going?” 

No way, she did not just invite people over after I told her not to. 

I felt my blood boil, but I tried to keep my calm. I was not going to make a scene, especially since Ahyoung was my friend. 

I locked eyes with Naeun, who I visibly glared at. 

“It’s chill, y/n, you don’t have to talk we are just gonna hang a bit and then go watch some TV.” 

I bit my tongue to not snap at her. Her insensitivity was rubbing me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to blow up. We were all adults here, I didn’t want to seem like a child who got irritated when they were forced to socialize with their mom’s friends. 

Soon, I heard another knock. 

“Hey, Sooyoung! Come in, we are picking a show to watch.” 

I tried to calm down and read my book, but when I say I want to be alone, I really mean I want to be alone. 

I felt myself boil over in anger as I could still hear them over my earbuds. Their laughter and constant chatter couldn’t be tuned out. 

“Ok, we are gonna go to the lounge and watch TV. High five!” Naeun held her hand right in front of my face and I hit it just to make her leave. I swear, I’d rather hit her face instead. 

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I pulled out my earbuds and went to rinse my face. 

How insensitive of her! I explicitly told her not to invite anyone over to the dorm, and there she goes. She can’t walk up one flight of stairs to see our friends?? So fucking rude. 

Living in the dorms as an introverted person was terribly hard. I don’t even know if introverted is the right word for it anymore if I want to go days without talking to people. And it sucks when no one truly understands me and doesn’t take my words seriously. 

I groaned and stared at myself in the mirror.

“Just two more quarters and you’re free for the summer.” 

I sighed and wiped my face on my towel. 

College was hard. 

I had found my group in college, but unfortunately, I had made the same mistakes as I did in high school. First, I stayed connected with some friends from high school who I had planned on cutting off. And most importantly, I put too much time and effort into people who disrespect me and don’t care for me. 

And now I live with someone like that. 

It angered me to feel so out of place, so alone in the dorms even when I had friends. Whenever I wanted to escape, there was no where to go. All my friends were here. 

I clenched my fist. 

All of a sudden, I couldn’t just sit down and read. I glanced over in the corner of the room and saw the camera from my photography class sitting there. 

I looked outside my window and saw the soft snow falling down. 

I quickly pulled on a warm, puffy jacket, jeans, and headed out to take some photos with my trustworthy camera. 

-----

The air was colder than I remembered. I felt my nose crinkle as the wind blew snow into my nose. 

The city was beautiful; it was painted in white sparkles. I snapped a few photos and took a deep breath. 

I loved being outside and having no one notice me; this was one of my favorite things about living in the city and college in general. I snapped pictures of groups of people walking across the street. The blur of the street lights combined with the softness of the snow captivated me. 

“Some nice pics you got there.” 

I jumped at the voice and almost dropped my camera; thankfully, it’s always wrapped around my neck.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so scared.” 

I looked up and saw a boy around my age staring at me. And dang, was he cute. 

I thanked God for the weather because my cheeks were already red. 

“Uh, um, it’s fine.” I fibbed quickly. I felt awkward because I didn’t know how to act around guys my age, especially ones as cute as him. 

Be friendly, be friendly. He just wants to be friends.

“Um, I’m y/n by the way.” I took out my hand to shake his. He chuckled and reciprocated the action.

“Jihoon, Park Jihoon. You live in this building too?” He pointed at the building next door to me. I shook my head and watched as the snow fell onto my shoulders.

“Oh no, I live in this one.” He nodded. “Are you a freshman?” I asked. 

He laughed heartily. I liked how he didn’t hide his emotions. “Oh no, I’m a sophomore this year but I’m an RA in this building.” 

I made an “O” shape with my mouth. “Ah, a resident adviser. I’m applying to be one next year, kinda nervous but hopefully I’ll get the job.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh really? I rarely meet people who want to baby a bunch of freshmen.” I laughed at his comment. “But hey, it’d be cool if we were in the same dorm next year. You could teach me to take such pretty pictures.” I laughed and flipped through the photos on my camera out of habit.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I haven’t even been accepted for the job yet. Also, I’m taking photography 101 with Professor Lee Miyoung, I’m sure she’s a better teacher than I am.” I teased. 

He shrugged. “Well, I doubt she’s as pretty as you.” 

My heart froze. 

W-what? Did he just flirt with me? Oh god, what do I say now? How do I flirt back? I-

“Sorry, was that weird? I wanted to call you pretty but I didn’t mean to lowkey talk about a professor’s beauty either.” He looked mildly embarrassed when he shook out his hair full of snow. 

I gave him a small smile. “Um, no, not weird, it was actually kind of smooth. I don’t really know how to respond to flirting.” 

Oh my god. I just said that. 

His eyes lit up mischievously as I tried not to blush even harder.

“Oh flirting? Is that what we are doing?” He teased.

“Technically, that’s what you are doing.” He laughed loudly and his voice echoed throughout the streets. I only hoped to have that loud of a voice as an RA. 

“You got me there.” He then looked down at his watch and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked up at me with his soft brown puppy eyes. I swear this guy is too cute to be real. “Um, my shift is starting soon.” He then took out his phone. “I know we just met, but you seem pretty cool-”

Before he could finish, I took his phone and typed in my number.

“There, now you can teach me how to be an RA and I can teach you how to take photos.” I said as confidently as I could. 

He seemed a bit surprised at my voice, but nodded.

“Sounds great, see you later.” He waved to be as he walked away, but slipped on a patch of snow. 

“Ah, be careful!” I shouted. He gave me a small smile and walked back into his dorm.

Well, at least this day ended on a high note. 

-----

“Hey, where’d you go last night? We were wondering where you were at.” 

I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go.

I bit back the words and forced a small smile. “Oh, I just went to take some photos for my photography class. The snow looked really pretty last night.” I left out the minor detail that a cute boy started to talk to me. I wanted to keep the giddiness to myself. 

“Oh cool. I just came back from the gym. I saw a really cute boy in there. He was really fit, dark skinned, dark hair. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. We didn’t get to talk because I was so out of breath, but I hope he’s at the gym again.” She went off without me asking her too. 

I understand that I’m being a bit tough on her, but she irritated me first by inviting people over when I told her not to. People always talk about communication in college, but sometimes people just don’t listen to you. 

“Cool, hope you see him again.” I said nicely. I have to put on a nice face with my roommates, as I don’t want to be in an awkward living situation. 

“Yeah... how was your day today?” 

-----

“And then she just invited you guys over, disregarding what I had just said before! Isn’t that rude?” I voiced to Ahyoung, my best friend. I’d known her before going to college, well, I’ve known her since we were 8. 

She looked a bit hesitant on what to say. 

I went on about the situation. “I’m not saying I hate seeing you guys, but you know how I get when I want to be alone. I...I just want to be alone and it makes me crazy when I see people. Plus, I told Naeun I wanted to chill out and be alone and then she just invites you guys over, without telling me?? I’m not crazy.” I ranted. 

Ahyoung sighed and took a sip of her coffee filled with milk and sugar. 

“I mean, she did say she was inviting us over in the groupchat.” 

I glared at the younger girl. “Excuse me, I was sitting right next to her, she knows I didn’t check my phone. It’s rude to not tell your roommate you’re inviting people over, and it’s even ruder when we just talked about how I didn’t want her to invite people over. It’s not like she forgot within the five minutes.” 

“True. That wasn’t nice of her.” I noticed she hesitated on saying anything bad about her. We were all friends, but I was the one who had problems with friends in the group, as usual. I didn’t like very many people, but I was civil and nice to everyone; that’s what being an adult is all about. 

“Yeah...” I trailed off. I don’t know when it got so weird between us, but it felt like I couldn’t talk to my best friend about things in my life. I didn’t even tell her about the cute guy who flirted with me. Deep inside of me, I knew she didn’t deserve to know these things about me when she didn’t want to hear the bad parts of my life. 

It felt like everyone wants to be around me when I’m laughing and joking, never when I’m serious and want to talk about my feelings. No one wants to listen when I want to rant about real things in life, yet they love when someone rants about some “dumb” thing a girl did in the hallway. 

I didn’t get why they judged people before they knew them. I always tried to talk with people before I made judgements, yet people think it’s weird when I judge people I talk to. That’s the way you’re supposed to judge people... when you get to know them personally. Duh.

As I was talking, I saw her eyes focused on something far away from me. 

I turned around and saw her crush standing there. She stopped listening to me as he waved at her. I saw her eyes bright up when she saw him and I grew annoyed. I was telling her about something that was bothering me, and then she chooses a boy over me. Not cool. 

“Hello? Earth to Ahyoung??” I teased. She shrugged me off. 

“He’s so cute. I know he doesn’t like me, but I can’t help myself.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, he doesn’t like you and actually, he only dates white girls and you my friend, are not white.” I knew I was being harsh, but I hear about him every single second and it angers me when I want to vent about something in my life and she doesn’t think I’m as important as her crush.

She flinched at my harsh words. 

“You just wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never been in love before.” She said matter of factly. 

Ouch. 

This was all true, but it hurt when she said it like that. I’ve never felt romantic love, wow, thanks for reminding me. Maybe I’m too busy taking care of my dumb friends who don’t care about me. 

Maybe.

-----

“Bye, see you later.” I waved her off as we both went to class.

As soon as I turned around, I saw a familiar face. 

Jihoon. 

I fixed my hair and prayed none of my mascara had smeared on my face. 

Be confident, make friends. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” He turned around with a confused look on his face. I felt a leap in my heart when he smiled at me.

“Oh hey y/n, it’s weird to see you without a camera.” He joked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat when he said my name; I was so used to people forgetting about me. 

“Hah, well it’s weird to see you in the daylight.” I joked. When I saw him left an eyebrow, I knew I said something wrong. 

I felt my face burn up at my own words. 

“Not like that.” I blubbered out. He let out a light laugh. 

“Well, I mean, you’re right.” He took note of my embarrassed state and changed the subject. “So, what class are you headed to?”

“History of the Ancient Greek and Roman worlds, how bout you?” 

“Woah, what an interesting class. I’m heading to choir practice actually.” That made me stop in my tracks.

“Wait, you sing?” 

He chuckled. “Yup, that is what you do in choir.” I felt a bit embarrassed at my statement. “I’m joking, I’m joking, but yes, I do sing. Have been doing so for my whole life.”

“I did choir up until high school, I didn’t feel good enough for college. I still don’t know how to read music and it’s been years.” 

“It’s hard, but you get used to it. You should give it a shot if you really want to though. Or come watch one of our performances.” I smiled at him.

“One day.” I stopped walking and pointed at the building in front of us. “This is me. I’ll see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you later.”

-----

Two weeks had passed and I hadn’t seen much of Jihoon. We waved to each other in passing, but it was midterms soon, and exams were the only thing on my mind. We sent each other memes daily though and we just got each other’s humor- that was rare. 

I was filling out my history study guide until I heard my roommate, Naeun, walk in.

“Hey, y/n~ Ahyoung, Sooyoung and I saw you talking to a boy yesterday~ Oooooooo what’s his name?” 

She sat right in front of me, not giving me any personal space. 

I tried not to blush but honestly, my face was turning red because I was so annoyed at her.

“His name is Jihoon. He’s an RA in the dorm next to us, we met at an RA informational meeting.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her I ran out of the dorm because I couldn’t handle her and people.

“He’s cute, nice body too.” I felt a an overwhelming sense of jealously and protectiveness wash over me. I hated it. I didn’t want to be this person. I probably only felt this way because I didn’t like Naeun right now. 

“Yeah, you can have him if you want. I’m not into him.” I lied. 

She raised a brow. “Really? Don’t be upset if he falls for me then.” I knew she was joking when she flipped her hair dramatically, but I wasn’t into it. 

I felt my buried insecurities rise when I stared intensely at her face. Her eyebrows were neatly plucked, which I was always too scared to do. Her skin was tanned and even, not blotchy and red like mine. Her fashion was trendy and most boys liked her because of her socialness, on the contrary, I was awkward and mean to boys, unintentionally. 

I just went back to doing my homework, shaking off the comparison. 

-----

Later that night, I saw a message pop up in my texts which was weird because I usually mute everyone.

‘hey midterms are killing me and i dont understand anything... want ice cream?’ 

I tried not to laugh even though both my roommates were at the library. 

‘uhhh shouldnt u be studying if u dont understand anything?? mayb??’ 

‘LOL thats not how it works young padawan’ I rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s so much older than me. 

‘also I don’t eat ice cream, i don’t eat dairy’

‘... aight imma head out’ 

I snorted and tilted my head back in laughter. 

‘ok, no ice cream... what DO you like?’

You. I like you. 

... Definitely not sending that.

‘UMMM i like hot chocolate?’ 

‘okay, i’ll be at your dorm in 5. what is your room number again?’

‘303′ 

‘aight’ 

I looked down at short shorts and tank top and then at the harsh winds outside. I threw on a pair of cute leggings and a heavy sweater. I put on a black jacket over it and placed a beanie on my head. 

I did my brows and put on a few swipes of mascara. I carefully applied my lightly colored lip balm and sprayed face mist to look dewy and cute. 

Is this a date? Or is this just two friends being adventurous? 

Whatever, I want to look cute at least.

Seconds after I finish, I hear a knock at my door. I took a deep breath.

This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date. Calm down.

I opened the door. 

He was wearing a puffy jacket and dark black jeans that outlined his thigh muscles. Yum.

I also noticed he was wearing a gray beanie... which was identical to mine.

“Cute hat.” I noted. He grinned and tugged on my beanie. 

“Same goes for you. Ready for some hot chocolate?” 

“Yes, where are we going to get said chocolate caliente?” 

Jihoon gave me a weird look. “Chocolate what?” 

I stared at him, stunned. “Chocolate caliente. Caliente means hot in Spanish. Therefore, hot chocolate. You didn’t take Spanish in high school?” 

He shook his head. “Nope, I took Japanese because I’m a weeb.” I snorted. 

“Wow, I should be surprised but I’m not.” He pushed me playfully and I tried not to freak out over the warmth of his skin. 

“You’re telling me you don’t watch any anime?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I watch some anime. But am I full blown weeb... no.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I can change that, don’t worry.”

“You still didn’t tell me where we are going.” My fingers felt crisp from the cold air. It wasn’t snowing tonight, but the ground was still white. 

“Aha, we are going to my favorite cafe called ‘Pink Heart Cafe’. It is decked in pink hearts.” 

“As expected from a Pink Heart Cafe.” I joked. In the near distance, I noticed a sign that had a baby pink heart that wrote ‘Pink Heart Cafe’ in cute lettering. 

I crinkled my nose from the cold air. “What, you don’t like pink?” 

“No, no, I love the color pink actually. It’s just kinda cold out here.” He nodded. 

“Maybe it would be warmed if we held hands... maybe.” 

For the first time, I felt comfortable with someone’s flirtatious comment.

I smirked and hooked my hand with his. I felt my heart beater faster. Much faster. And I loved it. 

I saw him smile widely and hide it with his hair. 

“I’m a lucky guy.” He whispered. 

We walked into the cafe. 

“Hi! Welcome to Pink Heart Cafe, for here or to go?” 

“For here, please.” The woman nodded. 

“Please take a seat. We will come take your order soon.”

We took our seats in the corner, next to the pink fairy lights. I was in love with the aesthetic. 

“Cute place. And fancy it seems, they come take our order at the table.” I sang a bit of Twice’s Fancy. 

“Oh gosh, you love Twice?? Me too!” I shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I mean, I like them, their songs are cute and catchy but I’m not a diehard fan.” 

He frowned. I can change that too. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Wow, it seems like there are a lot of things you want to change about me. What do you even like about me?” I teased. 

He smiled harder and I noticed a blush on his face. 

“Uhhh, that’s a good question. I like... I like how you’re honest with your emotions. I like how you’re good at photography. I like that you want to become an RA because of the money and--” I gasped and pushed him on the arm.

“That’s not the only reason! Yes... the pay is good, but I like helping people.” 

Our laughter died down as he gazed at me intensely. 

“You like helping people? Tell me more about that.” 

I paused. No one had asked me that before. 

“Um, no one’s asked me that before. I guess I just like to see people happy. I like appealing to people’s emotions and most times, I’m pretty good at making people like me.” I said honestly. I saw his face light up at my words. “And I also want to be a teacher after I graduate, so being an RA would help improve my social skills and teach me how to interact with those younger than me and work through their problems. I don’t know, people say it’s hard and that it can be tough if kids come to you with suicidal thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression, but I mean, I just want to do it and give back to the community somehow... I don’t know. ” I mumbled off, feeling like I said too much.

His gaze was so serious, I was scared I bored him to death.

He leaned closer to me and I freaked out. I held my breath, waiting for what was next until he spoke. 

“You’re so awesome.” He finally said. 

That... that was surprising.

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m serious! That’s so amazing why you want to be an RA. Honestly, I took up this job because it pays well and I’m good at talking to people, but sometimes I couldn’t care less about my residents. I like how you’re so kind to people.”

I laughed, “I’m not that nice.” 

“Yeah right, you were nice to me the first time we met. And I could’ve been a creepy dude and I almost made you break your camera.” 

“Well, I was nice to you because you are a cute boy.” He choked on his drink at my blunt words. I grew shy all of a sudden and laughed with him. 

“Jesus, give a boy a warning before you say such words.” He was pink in the face and I felt my heart warm. 

“It’s true, you are attractive. But it is also true that I’m not nice. My roommate is irritating the heck out of me and I have to tell myself every time I talk to her to say nice things and not hurt her feelings ‘cause she’s so damn sensitive.” 

He paused for a moment. I was nervous he would think I was a bad person. Which... technically is what I’m trying to convince him of. 

“Wow, you just got ten times nicer.” Now it was my turn to choke on my drink. 

“What? I just told you I have to force myself to be nice to my roommate even though I just want to snap at her all the time.” 

Jihoon leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face. “Exactly! Most people would’ve just called her a bitch and moved on! Moved out or from what I’ve seen, some girls do mean shit like throwing another girl’s clothes out of her closet or flirting with her boyfriend. You... you just be nice when someone is mean to you.”

“She’s not mean, just rubbing me the wrong way.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“See? You are still defending her even though I’m sure she’s putting you through more than other people would take.” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, most people don’t take me seriously when I talk about it.” 

“Try me.” 

I hesitated at first, but when I saw his open and honest look, I spilled.

“Well, I’m quite an introverted person so I need my alone time. And when I told her, this was actually the night that I met you, um, I told her that I wanted to be alone. And then she invited people over to the room and yes, they left soon, but when I’m in my isolation mood, I just... I just don’t even want to look at people.” 

He stared at me with a curious look so I rambled on. “I know, it’s dumb-”

He placed a gentle hand on top of mine.

“No, that’s not dumb at all. She should’ve respected your words. I would be so mad. Give me more!” He pounded his fist on the table for dramatic effect. 

I felt my heart lighten when he wanted to hear more of my words. I was so used to people ignoring me and brushing over my concerns.

“Uh, well, just... well not just Naeun, my roommate, but some of my friends in the same dorm as me. They are just really judgmental and the negativity just pains me. I don’t like judging others before getting to know them, so hearing them talk bad about random people they don’t know just pains me. And I’m no saint, yes I judge people, but I make sure I talk to them first and get to know them before I make judgments.”

Jihoon smiled. “You keep getting better the more I get to know you. I do the same thing, my friends think I’m crazy when I say ‘hey that dude looks kinda mean and no one likes him, i’ll be friends with him’!” 

My eyes widened. “Oh my god, that’s how I met most of my friends!” 

We laughed as we bad mouthed our friends and the people who have hurt us. 

“Why do you stick with such crappy friends? No offense, you deserve so much better.” 

I shrugged. “I mean, everyone says that to me and truly, I don’t even know. I just feel so connected to them now and they have their good moments-”

“Good moments aren’t enough if they consistently hurt you.”

“I know, I know! I just... maybe I’m not that good of a person then if I stay with them. Like people say, you are who your friends are.” 

“That’s bull, you’re a good person, I know that. And your friends don’t even care to listen to you rant, I can tell I’m the first person you told all this stuff too because you have flames in your eyes. You deserve friends you can trust and are able to rant to. I promise.” 

I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. 

“Thank you, I guess I just think I am helping them by staying with them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” 

“Just know that you have me now, and if you ever need to rant or vent or whatever, I’m here for you. You have me now.” 

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. I know he meant it, it was written all over his face. 

I nodded slowly, accepting the moment we were having. 

We sat in a moment of silence until the waiter came for the check.

I dug through my pockets to get out the ten dollar bill I stuffed in there. 

“Hah funny,” Jihoon chided when he whipped out his card before I could do anything. I gasped. 

“Ah, Jihoon, I brought money!” 

He tsked and stood when the waiter gave him his card back. “Yeah right, I’d never let a girl pay on the first date, that’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes, until I realized what he had just admit.

“Date?” I questioned carefully. 

He looked away from my gaze, like he didn’t mean to say the word. 

“Yes... date. Do you have a problem with that?” 

I grinned.

“Nope.”

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 10

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 4,286 for this chapter (45,795 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"Daniel?"

Dan blinks. He blinks again, zoning back into the conversation he's supposed to be a part of.

"Er," he says, sheepish. "What was the question?"

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Daniel?" the woman asks - the interviewer asks, fuck, this is like the sixth time he's asked her to repeat herself. "I heard you were ill yesterday, weren't you?"

He wasn't. But that is what Jaime and Patrick had sworn up and down to anyone who asked, because they're good partners in crime like that. They look like they regret it now.

"Yeah, Daniel," Jaime says, stressing his name in a way that makes Dan think she's one more fuckup from smacking him in the back of the head. He'd probably deserve it, at this point. He can't remember being this scatterbrained in his whole life, and that's saying something. "You sure you're okay being out of bed?"

The word 'bed' gets stressed too, just a bit, and Dan feels a flush creeping up his neck.

It's honestly unreasonable how he can't seem to focus on the task at hand, which is answering softball questions about the show he's worked on for three years, because his mind keeps drifting back to Phil.

Phil, who he'd left in bed with Thor, all sleepy noises and grumpiness at Dan needing to leave. Phil, who has the day off and might still be mostly naked and lazy while he waits for Dan to come back. Phil, who he only has three days left with.

Three more days in London. Two sleeps. And Dan has shit to do every single goddamn day of it.

This is a work trip, technically. They've got a handful of interviews the next two days that couldn't be scheduled for their first London stretch, and then they're going to France. That's exciting, it is, a mark of success that Dan never expected for himself, but right now he's frustrated by anything that cuts into the time he could be using to kiss Phil.

Dan is so busy remembering how Phil's mouth had felt against his that he forgets to answer the question. He can practically feel his eyes glaze over.

"Daniel," Patrick says, audibly exasperated.

It takes a lot to get Patrick to that point, so Dan ducks his head and mumbles another apology.

"He's fine," Jaime tells the very nice and concerned interviewer whose name Dan has long forgotten. "He's just got a lot on his mind right now and he's really shit at multitasking."

"Hey," says Dan. It's a weak protest.

The interviewer is a tall woman with kind eyes that crinkle into laughter lines when she smiles at him. She's dressed casually, has a denim jacket with patches and pins all over it, and Dan feels his eyes linger at the rainbow on her pocket.

What is that like? To be so certain and so confident that you can wear it on your sleeve even in a professional environment? Dan doesn't know that he'll be able to get there.

He wants to compliment her on it. It's the same urge he had in the restaurant with Phil's family, vocalizing that he wishes he could wear more nail polish. The same swirling anxiety of being judged for it follows quickly, but this time it's amplified by the recording device in the interviewer's hand, the knowledge that anything he says right now will be analyzed to death later.

Dan wants to live authentically, and he wants to get to a place where he doesn't need to hide, but he's frustrated by the reality of how much progress that's going to take. It's not going to be easy, it already hasn't been, and it's never going to stop.

Even with making a name for himself and having an audience, Dan knows that coming out publicly still won't stop strangers from making assumptions about him or demanding an explanation for the women he's been seen with. He'll have to come out over and over and - it's scary. It's really scary.

The compliment catches in his throat. He can't say it to someone recording him, no matter how kind her eyes are. He hasn't even told his grandma yet.

"I like your jacket," he says instead. He feels like a coward for it.

"Thanks," the woman says brightly, looking down at herself and tapping one of her bigger patches. "Customized it myself, obviously. It's a wee bit more colourful than you like to be seen in, right?"

The casual chirping helps Dan relax, reminds him that this is a laid-back interview with easy questions. Nobody is shining a heat lamp on him and asking for an expose on how he spent part of last night inside of another man.

He grins and shrugs. "Yeah, alright, I wear a lot of black. Sue me. I can still think colours look nice on some people."

Great. Now he's thinking about Phil again.

"Like Jaime," Patrick offers, tugging at one of Jaime's bubblegum braids. Dan still can't tell if it's a wig or not, but she smacks Patrick's hand away like it's her own hair.

"That's true," says Dan. "Jaime wears as much black as I do, though, I dunno that she's the best example."

Patrick nods, solemn. "At least her hair is interesting."

"Oi, fuck you. Sorry," Dan adds sheepishly. Even though this is an online print interview, he still feels a little bit of shame whenever he slips up and curses during an interview.

The woman - Cara? Catherine? Camilla? Ca-something? - just laughs and waves his apology off.

With an ease that Dan can't help but notice isn't quite as practised as Phil's, the interviewer moves on to questions about their other cast members. While they don't have any trouble making fun of each other, it's even more fun to exaggerate stories of people who aren't here to defend themselves.

Dan tries so hard to participate. He does. He laughs in all the right places and gives Jaime grief for not remembering something right, because he's given this poor interviewer nothing of substance. The thing is that Jaime is better at telling stories and Patrick is so dry and stoic with interrupting jokes that Dan knows he isn't needed for this. He lets them bicker over a story detail that he's long forgotten and feels himself start to zone back out.

He listens to Patrick's slow timbre, Jaime's trill of a laugh, and lets his mind drift back to where it wants to be.

--

Even though it's tempting, Dan isn't stupid enough to text Phil in the middle of doing his fucking job. He has to resort to checking his phone between interviews and pictures, getting more and more pouty about the lack of response to the things he's sending throughout the morning. Phil must be having a lie-in, because it takes him a couple of hours to even see Dan's texts.

ugh i should have just stayed in bed

pls send thor pics

and you pics but like give me a heads up if your dick is out im at work

i dropped my coffee on jaimes lap fml shes gonna kill me

im just so distracted lmaooo

canft believe youre just asleep thats so rude

Oh nooooooo. I always cry over spilt coffee :( you want me to bring you one? I can come hang out for lunch!

The sweet text is accompanied by a photo of Thor asleep on the sofa, his little head pillowed on Phil's knee. Phil is wearing Dan's pyjama pants and - it's hard to tell for sure, with the way the photo is angled, but Dan thinks he's got the Friends shirt on. Frankly, that should be gross. Dan wore that shirt for way too long for it not to smell like, well, his sweat, and that is objectively not sexy.

Dan feels gooey warmth spread from his stomach outwards, anyway. Maybe it is gross, but it makes him happy to think about Phil's shirt smelling like him the way that his own Yeezy shirt still faintly smells like Phil. He covers his mouth with a hand so nobody milling around will see him grinning like an idiot.

thats ok, Dan texts back one-handed. yall look comfy you should stay. i'll b back for dinner and snuggles ok?

Ok! ^_^

God, but Dan wants to be there now. He wants to be the one cuddled up with his head in Phil's lap. He recognises that it's very stupid to be jealous of a dog, but he isn't going to let that stop him.

"Hey, Howell." Patrick's voice interrupts the daydream of slender fingers carding through Dan's hair.

Dan blinks. He blinks again, looks up.

"I didn't even see you sit down," Dan tells him, bemused. They're sharing a bench in the building's lobby, not wanting to go too far in case they need to go back upstairs for more photos during the short break in their day.

"Yeah, you're on another planet," says Patrick. Dan wishes he could argue that fact. "Things went well with your whole Love Actually emergency, then?"

The reference pulls Dan up short. He feels his brow furrow as he walks through the entire film in his head. "What are you talking about? None of this happened in Love Actually."

"It's British, isn't it," Patrick says nonsensically.

"I don't," Dan starts, but then he gives up. He and Patrick are close as coworkers - friends, even - but Dan never quite understands the links that Patrick's brain makes. "It went well. It went really well. I don't know if Jaime told you everything I texted her, but I like... fully ended up meeting the family."

Patrick's eyebrows raise slightly. That's quite a reaction, from him. "You met the parents? Bro. You just started dating."

They're not in an overly crowded area, but people keep waking by them on their way in or out of the building, so Dan is pleasantly surprised to discover that Patrick can play the pronoun game, too.

"Yeah," says Dan. He doesn't want to get into the mix-up right now. He's sure that Patrick will have another incomprehensible reference when he hears about it. "But it just feels... I dunno. Right? In a way other people haven't? Maybe that's obvious."

"It's not obvious," says Patrick. He's snapping a hair elastic around his wrist idly, the gesture something Dan had thought was an expression of annoyance or frustration when they first met. Dan knows now that it means Patrick is tired, that he wants to shove his hair off his shoulders and stop it from tickling his neck. They're only halfway through their day, though, still a couple of photoshoots to get through, so he can't put his hair up just yet.

Dan knows so much about these people. He's learned it all from such close proximity for the past three years, but he also genuinely likes spending time with them. He feels, suddenly, very guilty for wishing cancellation on this thing they've all worked so hard for.

"Sorry," Dan says.

"For what?"

He doesn't really know how to voice it. He shrugs. "For being a shit coworker right now."

Patrick gives him an indecipherable look and shakes his head. "Daniel," he says, "you're not being a shit coworker."

"I kind of am, though," says Dan. "Like I can't focus at all, I'm missing interviews, and I... I don't know how much I want to go back to Atlanta. Is that bad?"

"Why would that be bad?" Patrick hums. "This is your home."

Home isn't an easy concept for Dan to wrap his head around. He hadn't had a happy one for most of his life, hadn't been able to find somewhere that felt quite right ever since he escaped that. So it's a little disconcerting when Patrick's words settle into his chest and feel like indisputable truth.

"London is home," Dan echoes, wondering it it feels just as right coming out of his own mouth. It does. His head is spinning, a bit.

"Yeah," Patrick says, like it's that easy.

Dan gives himself a little shake back into the present. He smiles, wry. "Still, I probably shouldn't be crossing my fingers under tables for the producers to shut us down."

For a moment, Patrick looks confused. Dan is all ready to apologise again, shove those feelings down, but Patrick just says, "So negotiate your contract. You know that you aren't required by law to see the show through to the end, right? You can just not come back for season four, or only come back for a couple episodes instead of a full season."

They're sat in a fairly public area, with other people walking about, but Dan could hear a pin drop in the shattering silence that rings in his ears at Patrick's use of logic.

"I," says Dan, "did not think of that."

Patrick nods. "You kind of tunnel-vision sometimes, has anyone ever told you that?"

--

By the time Dan returns to Phil's building, he's talked himself into and back out of quitting his job a dozen times. It's a dumb decision, but not much dumber than simply waiting for someone else to make the decision for him.

He decides to call Amy when he's in France and talk the options through with her. She's already looking for potential gigs in the UK for him, so hopefully the conversation isn't going to come as much of a surprise to her. The last thing he needs is for his agent to get upset with him over making changes in his life.

Dan's head is buzzing with it, loud enough to give him a headache. He texts Phil that he's outside and waits to be let in. He gets an intrusive domestic fantasy of letting himself in with his own key, and reminds himself to rein in this U-Haul bullshit.

"Hey!" Phil beams as he opens the door and steps back for Dan to come in. Other people live on the other floors, but Phil still leans in for a long kiss the moment the door closes behind Dan.

It sends sparks up Dan's spine and quiets some of the unending noise in his head. He sighs, leans into the kiss, wraps his arms around Phil's waist to pull him even closer.

He's cognizant of where they are, though, so he pulls back to rest their foreheads together after a moment. "Hey yourself."

"Did you have a good day?" Phil asks, his tri-coloured eyes bright and unguarded.

"Yeah, but it's better now," says Dan. He's parroting what Phil said to him yesterday, and he can tell that Phil recognises it from the little smile on his face. "You look nice. You showered just for me?"

Phil laughs and tugs at Dan's wrist, pulling him down the stairs. They've got four left feet between them, honestly, so it's a miracle nobody takes a nosedive.

"Yeah," he says as they narrowly avoid any number of broken bones. He presses Dan against the wall next to his front door and grins at him. "But it was also for the judgey moms at the dog park. You look nicer, you didn't take the makeup off?"

To be honest, Dan had forgotten it was even on his face. He settles his hands on Phil's hips and smiles. "They made me look like the best version of me, why would I erase all their hard work?"

"Mm, you do look pretty," Phil says, and Dan is lucky to have his back against a wall. His knees might have actually buckled at the praise if he was unsupported.

"Pretty, huh?" Dan asks. He tries to keep his tone dry, like it's a big joke, but Phil's big eyes just see too much.

"Very pretty," says Phil. Dan doesn't know how to handle being complimented by Phil's deep, sincere voice, but he isn't given much of a chance to react before Phil is speaking again. "But I don't know that I'd call this the best version of you. You looked really nice when you came, y'know."

"Fuck, Phil," Dan laughs, a little breathless. "I was literally gone for ten hours."

"Ten hours too many," Phil grumbles.

Dan laughs again, but he has to admit that Phil has a point. The day had absolutely dragged on with the knowledge that his probably-boyfriend was waiting for him.

"You wanna go inside, then?" Dan suggests, running his thumbs just under the hem of Phil's clean shirt. "I'll do a lot of things, but this floor is cement, mate. I'm not blowing you out here."

The giggle that's surprised out of Phil makes Dan smile so wide it hurts his cheeks. He smacks the center of Dan's chest lightly and steps back to let them both into his flat. "I was thinking we could, like, order dinner first or whatever, but I'm not going to complain if you want to switch up the itinerary."

"The itinerary," Dan mocks, looking around for a ball of fluff running directly at them as he struggles with his shoes. "Uh, where's Thor?"

"Uh," says Phil. There's colour high in his cheeks that he tries to hide by flopping onto the sofa. The sweats he stole off of Dan don't really leave much to the imagination at all, not when he's sitting like that, and Dan almost loses his balance when he stands up straight. The pink doesn't leave Phil's face, but a knowing smirk joins it. "He's in the bathroom."

Dan's heart skips like an old CD player and he laughs to mask just how fond he is. "Uh huh, and here you are acting like you were really ordering food first."

"Well," Phil says, his smirk growing, "we could still order first, it'd be at least twenty."

"Sounds like a challenge," Dan hums, coming around the sofa to sit on the other end and lean forward, kissing the sliver of skin where Phil's shirt is riding up. "Why don't you do that, and I'll go get a bloody condom."

Phil blushes, proper blushes, and pulls a packet out of his pocket. "Ta-da," he jokes, weakly. "For my next trick -"

"If you say you're going to make your penis disappear," Dan says, flat, "then I'm walking out."

They just look at each other for a long moment, like a staring contest neither of them initiated, and then Phil snorts. That sets them both off and soon enough they're laughing, Dan's nose tucked against Phil's hipbone and Phil's hand over his mouth.

"I wasn't going to say that," Phil insists, still giggling. "I wasn't."

"Sure you weren't." Dan grins up at him and slides up his body, a little less graceful than he'd imagined it in his head. He presses their smiles together and licks into Phil's mouth. A little noise passes between them when Phil's hands find their way into Dan's hair, but Dan isn't sure which of them it comes from.

The giddy feeling of laughter doesn't leave Dan's chest. He lets it make a home there as he trails kisses all over Phil's long, pale neck. He doesn't need to guess when Phil likes something - he squirms and makes these little huffs of noises, grip on Dan's curls tightening just a bit before it loosens again. It feels impossibly powerful to learn how to take Phil apart like this, like they're teenagers snogging on the sofa in their first relationship.

It's strange that this does feel like a first relationship for Dan, in a lot of ways. He loved his first girlfriend and cared about other women he's dated, but it's not the same at all.

Finally, Dan is allowed to feel all the things he's supposed to have felt when he was younger. He's allowed to let budding affection and lust and friendship all wrap up in one person.

"So, the piercings," Dan murmurs, letting his hand slide up Phil's shirt to toy with one of them.

"What about them?" Phil asks. He already sounds impatient and needy, like he had last night, and the sound of it goes straight to Dan's dick.

Dan laughs and sits up, helping Phil get his shirt off over his head. "I mean, do they do things for you? Do they feel good when I touch them? How do you want me to touch them to make them feel good?"

"Do you always ask this many questions during sex?" Phil asks, dry.

There's no point in lying. "Yeah, I tend to babble." Dan gives him a winning smile and taps at Phil's hips, a silent request for him to lift up. Phil does happily, arching up for Dan and letting his stolen sweats get tugged off. "Guess you'll have to shut me up somehow."

Phil laughs, muffling the sound of it with his palm, and shakes his head. He looks so fucking gorgeous like this, giggly and naked and starting to get hard against his thigh. Dan has no idea how he got this lucky.

"That's such a terrible line," Phil informs him, grinning wide. He doesn't seem bothered by Dan being dressed when he isn't. He just settles back against the cushions and wiggles a bit, either trying to get comfortable or just teasing Dan. Either is possible at this point.

"It's not a line," Dan protests, shrugging his jacket off and settling back between Phil's legs. He presses his mouth to Phil's soft tummy and, unable to help himself, blows a raspberry.

Phil kicks out at him, instinctive, and his tongue is trapped between his teeth as he tries to hold back giggles.

"My nipples aren't sensitive," Phil tells him, voice wavering with some combination of amusement and arousal. He drops a hand to wrap around his own cock, thumbing at the metal on the tip of it. "This is. It, like, tugs. It's nice."

Biting back a groan at the sight, Dan digs around for the condom. He impatiently knocks Phil's hand out of the way to get him hard enough that he can roll it on. The piercing just above his balls settles nicely at the bottom of the latex, almost like it's holding it in place. Dan rolls it between his fingers, watches Phil's eyes flutter closed. "And this one?"

"Not as much. Still good, though." Phil's tongue darts out to lick his lips, and Dan grins at the unconscious reminder of what he's meant to be doing.

It's not the most comfortable for them to be laid out on the sofa like this, lanky as they are, but Dan isn't nineteen anymore. His knees do not hold up the way they used to. He wraps his hand around the base of Phil's cock and lets the tips of his fingers idly play with the metal bar as he finally gets his mouth on Phil.

Dan isn't used to the taste of latex accompanying a blowjob, but it isn't unpleasant. He gives Phil a couple of long licks and then sucks lightly at the head, not sure how much pressure Phil likes yet.

That's something he thinks he'd love to learn. He wants to know everything about Phil's body, wants to make him tremble with it.

Dan is extremely offended when he glances up and sees that Phil is tapping something on his phone, but the offense settles when Phil huffs a laugh and says, "Put in for takeaway. All yours, now."

The phone gets put down and Dan tongues at the bump of Phil's Prince Albert ring through the condom. That makes Phil's breath hitch, his hips jerk just a bit.

It's been years since Dan has had a cock in his mouth, but he likes to think it's like riding a bike. He takes Phil deep, hollows out his cheeks, repeats any motion that makes Phil let out soft groans. He forgot how much he likes this, fuck.

Much like everything else, it's somehow impossibly better with Phil.

Phil keeps a hand in Dan's hair and braces the other on the back of the sofa, breathing hard, and Dan doesn't want to close his eyes and miss a fucking moment of this.

"Fuck," Phil breathes, and Dan responds with an answering moan around his dick. "Yeah, alright, that's - fuck, Dan, you feel so good, look so pretty like that."

The praise still makes Dan shudder. He sucks Phil harder, feeling the weight of Phil's cock on his tongue as he speeds up his movements.

Dan remembers blowjobs to be pretty fast. He also never gave one to a man older than twenty, though, and his jaw starts to ache once he realises that Phil isn't going to be pushed over the edge as quickly as he's used to.

He pulls off to give his jaw a break, stroking Phil and pressing his open mouth along the side of him.

"You think I feel nice?" Dan laughs, pleased by the way the gust of air makes Phil's cock twitch. "Fucking, forgot how good this feels."

"Yeah?" Phil prompts, his voice deep and breathy and so, so nice to listen to. No wonder he's so successful on the radio. "You like sucking cock?"

Dan shivers. "Yeah," he says. He's unashamed, because he feels safe here with Phil. He can admit to liking a cock in his mouth, a hand in his hair, being called pretty. "Yours specifically, though."

Phil laughs. "That's good. I like specifically your cock, too." He looks over at his kitchen for a moment and raises his eyebrows. "I'll get dressed and answer the door when the pizza gets here if you can make me come in the next five minutes."

Well. Never let it be said that Dan Howell backs down from a challenge.

[verobatto]

War decision/Heart decision

The break-up of TFW

Supernatural 14x19 "Jack in the box" meta/spoiler alert

Hello my dear Fandom. How are you?? I'm here with the second meta from this episode, you can read the first part here. I hope you enjoy this it took me a little of investigation and stuffs...

Ok... Things are getting wild and... Idk what they are doing people, really... I will just present to you the evidence as always with a little spec that I think I'm not the one thinking about it... Is just a painful equation with the clues we have till now. Ok. Let's start this trip...

Castiel is in a Holy Mission

Castiel, being an angel of the Lord, keeps his mission and his promises, as i talked in my first meta. To ANY COST. I want you to keep that in mind. Ok? Sobbing...

Castiel's mission is his promise to Kelly, so from the beginning, he marks the limit. He won't hurt Jack. He will help him and guide him.

But he asks for help to Heaven, and there's Dumah. Dumah is behaving weird, but not so. Beacuse she is on charge now, and the power of being the chief, corrupts. But Castiel didn't know about her intentions first.

And what was Dumah looking for? She wanted to find the Nephilim and control him, control his powers... By using a very manipulative speech, as AUMichael and Lucifer did. But she was successful. Beacuse she smartly used Sam and Dean's names with him. And the innocent child fell for it.

And then, she used him to PURIFY EARTH, by killing innocents... But pay attention to the three heaven punishments they mentioned in this episode...

Lot's wife became a pillar of salt. (Gen. 19:26)

Lot and his wife lived next to Abraham lands, but Lot hated Sodoma because they were sinners and bad people. Then one day an angel of the Lord ask Lot to take his family with them and to run and to don't look behind because God was about to burn Sodoma and Gomorra because he was tired of them. So Lot did as the angel said, they run away, but his wife disobeyed and look behind, and immediately became a pillar of salt. The lesson here: God saves the obedient and punishes the disobedient.

The man who received this punishment was writing about how Church lies. So against the Church Holy mission.

Core and his family eaten by the earth. (Num. 16:31)

Gore and his family rebelled against God and Moises, so God talked with Moises asking him to take the rest of the people and stay away from Core's tend. He did as God said, and immediately the land broke and devoured Core, and his family, and the tend with all their things.

The lesson: Those who don't listen to God will be hardly punished.

In this case was a woman who said miracles are lies.

King Herodes is eaten by worms (Hech. 12:23)

An angel of the Lord released Peter from jail, and king Herodes ordered to kill the guards. The people was not agreed, and because he was playing to be God taking those decisions, an angel hurt him and the worms ate him.

The lesson: Those who trying to play God by deciding who dies and who lives, receive the Heaven punishment.

Here the man who dies at the hospital was the good shepherd who lead the sheep's that we're stoñwn buenas Jack. And you can see in that scene being the priest, a pic about Jesus as the good shepherd.

Everytime it was an angel of the Lord who execute the Holy Mission, and this time who will receive the punishment by Castiel's hands??

Dean is suffering and taking hard decisions

Making use of his First Born duties and with the whole mess that he is feeling inside, Dean talked about his mom in front of that hunters. And he used jokes in his speech... Trying to say goodbye with a smile. But he is struggling inside with the pain. Jokes are a defense mechanism of avoidance too... But he says GOODBYE MOM anyway.

After this we had a violent entrance coming from AUBobby, who killed a monster in the middle of them with an axe... Remember what the axe represented? I talked about that in this post.

So the axe represents the JUDGMENT AND THE ANGER. So accurate with the following events in this episode and I guess it will be in the nest episode too, related with Dean's actions...

Sam asked Dean to stay with them to talk about Mary and Jack, and he didn't want to. He is avoiding again the pain of talk about his mom, about Jack.

Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy

But Sam and CAS knows Dean very well...they know he acts like this, trying to push his emotions very down inside of him. Even so, Castiel tried... Look at the angel's sad face full of pain and feeling guilt... Yes... Because they didn't talk yet about it. But Sam asked him to leave his brother because he needed time... So... He just makes that question ... And Dean answered in avoidance again.

And after this we had Dean crying alone in the woods... Handling with his own pain.

Then, Sam asked him how he felt... (Like Castiel asked him before) and he answered with another question not related to his feelings at all, but with Sam researching... Avoidance again.

Sam trying to comfort him with the speech that he must being repeating to himself to feel better about Mary's death. "She is in a better place", but Dean is furious "Angels are dicks." Same vibes from season 7 when he was talking with Kevin in the basement about angels... He was disappointed there with Castiel. But this time we had a parallel in this same episode with the man who didn't believe in angels and Heaven. And we know what happened there...

Then... Dean takes the war decision, the hard decision, and convinces Sammy to follow him. He build the speech Sammy has to use with Jack. He is asking Sam to lie. Sam isn't at all convinced but he goes his brother's directions anyway.

When Jack answered Sammy's prayers, using the word FAMILY, the one who gives the speech is the first born again, Dean. He contains his pain and anger when he had Jack in front of him. And he fullfil the plan.

He is hunting Jack... Because he is feeling the boy become a monster, and as I wrote in my first meta, he had told Jack in season 13 he will kill him if it was necessary.

This is a train of bad decisions... And we don't know where it leads... But... We had a lot of clues talking about "silver steak through the heart" as my friend @emblue-sparks and I had repeated a million of times since 14x06 Optimism when it first was mentioned... They repeated the same way to kill in 14x16, and in 14x17 we had this...

Gif credit @agusvedder

So... Is this foreshadowing the end??? Who will stop the sacrifice in the Moriah mountain in the morning at episode when Dean will try to kill Jack? Who will be the Heaven executor in Holly Mission??? I don't even want to think it...

And this...

Pic credit @weirddorkylittlediana remember Dean was walking in 14x17 surrended by this kind of yellow signs? And we related it with Sammy asking Dean to stop... Well... There's so many ways to finish this season I'm so scared...

Sam trying to do right but...

Sam is handling with pain as he can...

Gif credit @ohsamulet

Sammy is talking to himself here too. He knows his mom is happy with his dad in Heaven and that's a good way to let her go.

But after this Dean came with the plan and Sam just couldn't handle it. It was too much for him. First his mom, and now deceive Jack to lock him in the Mal'ak box for ever. A horrible eternity alone... The thing that made him lose it that time with his brother, now... He is listening again that horrible plan. He knows Jack is dangerous now, but he doesn't now the person who is making him doing those bad things.

And he is a dad too. He had raised that child so he can't believe how things are happening now. He is like frozen. Not thinking too much about it... Following his brother lead...

And he prays to Jack... And when he had Jack in front of him, innocently talking about "the accident", not having a reasonable view about that, he knows Jack is clueless, as always. And he can't talk... So Dean spoke for him. Dean said the words he was expecting from him to say it. And he followed his lead again. For Sammy should be like living again another nightmare... Not being able to wake up from the previous one.

And Jack entered inside the box. And now he felt the worst thing on Earth because that's not how Sam Winchester acts. He always find ANOTHER WAY. He is the one who KEEPS FIGHTING AND INVESTIGATING. Why not this time? Maybe because the pain of loosing his mother is overwhelming to him, and he can't think about another thing. He said I CAN'T STOP THINLING ABOUT MOM. So that's the thing. HE CAN'T THINK NOW ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

But when Castiel arrives... He breaks that nightmare and brought back Sam to reality.

As he did in 14x15...

Castiel looked at Sam searching for that Sam he knew. And he founded him. He was regretful and in pain.

How he will act in the next episode? Gah... Idk...

Jack and the mirrors

Jack is still alone, but he doesn't wanted to be anymore. He is regretful and he wants Mary back, right there, with him. He misses his family, and in the middle of that, Lucifer appears again. Trying to make him feel the same that AUMichael did with Dean and the Empty with Castiel...

Gif credit @deans-top-13-zepp-traxx

Yes, but Jack said DEAN MAKES MISTAKES TOO. Dean is his role model. He trust him.

The encounter between Jack and Dumah was particularly similar to Jack's encounter with Lucifer and AUMichael too. The manipulative speech, using Sam and Dean as an excuse, and the name of his mother, made him choose to follow her lead. And he committed horrendous crimes under Dumah twisted guidance.

The next step was to take control over Heaven .. as a new God...

Pic credit @empty-cass

We knew who had being sit in that throne before... One of them was Lucifer and maybe Godstiel too, so the parallel is very blantant. Any angelical being had twisted intentions. All of them except one...

Gif credit @faramaiofnerdwoodforest

And this happened in 13x19...

So... Jack doesn't have bad intentions... He is just like Castiel sitting there... And he has his mother essence inside of him...

And now amazingly making angels from people... That was weird Supernatural... But well... Good way to restore Heaven. Who wants to be an angel??

Another mirror was Jack inside the box... Afraid of being lonely calling desperately for his dad's... Dean mirror in 14x12 when he had that horrible nightmare...

And Lucifer strikes again... And this time because Jack was so afraid and he felt alone in that darkness... He listened him. And he released himself from that prison ...

I saw him talking in that Cemetery with Castiel, it looked like a cozy conversation between a dad and a son... And I liked it... Let's see what happen...

To conclude:

TFW members are right night in different pages. Mary's death is the central cause of the pain and bad choices.

Jack is innocent an manipulable... Very dangerous in wrong guidance, because he has not soul, so he just uses logic resolutions for problems.

Castiel is doing his own path by trying to find another way, and keeping his promise to Kelly.

Dean is angry and mourning his mom, trying to handle the pain, but stuck in his feelings, making bad choices.

I hope Sammy to wake up and to try to bring back his brother.

The end is near and I just can't stop thinking we are going to suffer horribly. Thanks a lot writers... Don't worry... I didn't need my heart anyway...

C-u later my friends!! 💕💕

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @mrsaquaman187 @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @castiellover20 @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @cheerstofandomfamily @drsilverfish @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @hippyatheart80 @anarchiana

Buenos Aires April 19th 2019 2:57 AM